Newly Revised Book on Anxiety Now Available

Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace

By Timothy Lane

Beginning in March, my newly revised book on worry and anxiety will be available.

Over a year ago, the first printing was ending and The Good Book Company was planning on changing the cover of the book. At that time, I asked if I could make some edits and add some content to the book. That idea was welcomed so I made changes and updated the book based upon more years of counseling those with anxiety.

The two major changes I made are reflected in the first part of the book. The first addition includes a clear statement about the tone of Jesus’ command for us not to worry. The second change has to do with how our brain and autonomic nervous system functions in anxiety. Below is an excerpt from the new revised version of Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace.

Jesus talks about worry. And before we look at what he said, it is important to understand the tone he uses as he speaks to you during your worries. So before we begin, I’d love for you to read Luke 12 v 32 out loud:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

This verse comes towards the end of Jesus’ most extended teaching on worry. Now read it again:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

To understand the tone that Jesus uses here, let me take you back to when I was a parent with young children. It was not uncommon for one of our children (we raised four!) to awaken in the middle of the night having had a bad dream. They would come stumbling into our bedroom at 2 or 3 a.m., deeply afraid and sometimes crying. If you are a parent, I guess you can recall moments like these.

Now, how do you think my wife and I responded in these moments? We did not say in a stern rebuking way, “Don’t be afraid; go back to bed!” That would be a command but with little compassion! No! We would say something like this in a soft and soothing voice: “What’s wrong? Are you having a bad dream? Are you afraid? Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid. Mommy and Daddy are here. It’s going to be ok. Don’t worry. Come up here and let me hold you.”

The difference between the first response and the second is not just in content but primarily in tone. And the second response is how Jesus speaks to us when we are afraid or filled with anxiety. It, too, contains commands, but it is laden with tenderness and compassion.

As you read the chapters of this book, keep this in front of you the entire way. Jesus is calling you out of your anxiety because he knows it is not helpful. He encourages you in your struggle to find safety. He creates the very safety you are so desperately seeking, and shows you how to turn to him in child-like trust. That is the goal of this book. Read it with these tender words in mind, even when the truths may be hard to hear. Why not say them one more time?

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

If you found this short excerpt helpful, let me know in the comments section of the website or in Facebook or Twitter. Do not be afraid, little flock….

Anxiety and Micro-Threats

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3

Over the past year, I have counseled many people who are anxious. What has been interesting is the common experience that most share. They can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for their anxiety. “I’ve never really struggled with anxiety before or to this level…I can’t seem to understand why now!”

At first glance, James 1:2-3 may not seem like a very helpful, compassionate, or encouraging few verses. But take note of two things:

1. James was the lead pastor of the church in Jerusalem. The occasion for him writing this pastoral letter was to encourage his congregants who were suffering persecution. He is not writing as an “arm-chair” theologian but a pastor who has a deep love for his flock.

2. Notice the phrase trials of many kinds. Now keep those two points in mind as we continue to think about anxiety and “micro-threats.”

In light of James 1:2-3, when I hear someone tell me that they are struggling with anxiety but they don’t know why, I begin to ask them to use another word; stress. Tell me what stressors are in your life right now and over the past few months or years. That’s when things become clearer for them. The list gets longer and longer. They start by quickly acknowledging the pandemic but move past it by saying, “But isn’t everyone a bit anxious about the pandemic?” As if that should make their anxiety less of an issue. Then they proceed to talk about numerable “minor” things that have been in their lives recently

1. Conflict with a family member or spouse

2. Issues with working from home

3. Financial uncertainty

4. Health problems

5. Home repairs and car problems

6. Lack of Sleep

7. Limited Social Interaction

8. Racial and Political Tension

9. Loss of a loved one/s over the past few years

10. Heartbreak over an adult child’s life decisions

11. Guilt and shame from self-medicating to assuage the pain

12. ETC!

As you can see, all of these “micro-threats” or trials of many kinds start to add up. Once a person starts to see their list, they begin to feel normal. That’s right! Normal. Inevitably, seeing the aggregate of issues allows them to see that they have a lot going on in their lives and their tension, stress and anxiety is a normal response to not feeling safe.

Maybe you have been facing trials of MANY kinds and have wondered why you are stressed and feeling anxious. Just because you can’t point to one specific reason or circumstance doesn’t mean that your anxiety is irrational. It could very well be that you are very much in your right mind. Life has been hard and you can see the multiple pressure points in a way that allows you to approach God without guilt or shame but in true dependence. Why don’t you pair James 1:2-3 with Matthew 11:28-30. Listen to Jesus’ empathetic invitation to you in these comforting verses.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

If you are feeling overwhelmed today, there may be many good reasons for that. And because Jesus understands your plight, he welcomes you to draw near to him and find comfort in his compassion and grace. Go to him now with all of your micro-threats. You won’t be disappointed. I promise.

2020 Meets Isaiah 9: “Nevertheless!”

I am not the first, nor will I be the last to say it: 2020 has been a devastating year for the entire world. COVID19, overcrowded hospitals, record numbers of deaths, racial unrest, political turmoil, lockdowns, spikes in mental health difficulties, increases in domestic violence and child abuse, and financial hardships due to high unemployment. Has there ever been a year like 2020? The answer is, “Yes!” And some have been even darker.

Isaiah 9

Dark times can produce dark thoughts, emotions and reactions. But the contrary is true as well.

The prophet, Isaiah, was called the prophet of redemption. This is somewhat ironic since he prophesied at a time of great darkness. Isaiah was one of the greatest prophets and lived during the 8th century B.C. In the early part of the 8th century both Israel, under King Jeroboam II and Judah, under King Uzziah enjoyed a season of prosperity and peace (sound familiar?). But this was not to last long. Soon, the kingdom of Assyria (722) would rule over the northern portion, Israel. Then the kingdom of Babylon (586) would hold captive the southern portion, Judah. These were some of the darkest days for the OT people of God. It was also a time of great activity of God speaking to His people through the prophets. Isaiah lived in Jerusalem and was most involved with the trials of the southern territory of Judah. How could it be that he was considered the prophet of redemption given the times in which he prophesied?

During these dark centuries, while there was external oppression from neighboring kingdoms, the greatest threat for Israel and Judah came from within. The people of God in both Israel and Judah were guilty of worshipping the gods of their invaders. There was great disobedience, and a lack of justice and righteousness where the weak were not protected. You can read about all of this in Isaiah 1-8. Dark days, indeed!

This is where Isaiah 9 begins. The people are in a very hopeless season, yet Isaiah speaks confidently of a new day that will emerge. He speaks with confidence because of God’s promises of old that have come to pass. In these short 7 verses, he speaks of the future Messiah who will come and bring everlasting peace and justice. The word “Nevertheless” is prescient.

1 Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honor Galilee of the nations, by the Way of the Sea, beyond the Jordan—

The northern kingdom, Israel, was the first to experience occupation and domination, yet Isaiah says that this region will be the place where new blessings will begin. About 700 years later, It is from Galilee that Jesus begins his ministry announcing the arrival of the kingdom of God.

In God’s economy, he always meets us in those places of gloom and distress. It is in these moments of humbling that his promises of grace and mercy are most needed and most provided. Continue reading Isaiah 9:2-7. These are familiar verses to some, but the dark context of chapters 1-8 make them even more significant. Notice how Isaiah’s future hope is often spoken about in the past tense as if it has already happened!

2 The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. 3 You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder. 4 For as in the day of Midian’s defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. 5 Every warrior’s boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. 6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7 Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.

As you sit and read these verses, you can see that this has already taken place in the first coming of Jesus. We look back and see what Isaiah said would come to pass! What a picture of shalom (peace/wholeness)! The New Testament says that Jesus is coming a second time to finish what he started in his first coming. He isn’t finished yet.

As you move into 2021, do you have the same confidence in Jesus’ second coming as Isaiah did of Jesus’ first coming? And how will that impact the way you live in the present? It has been a hard year. There have been harder and darker years before 2020. There will likely be hard and dark years to come. Racial tensions remain and, unfortunately, just as we think we are beating this virus, other calamities will arise. We are living in the desert, still longing for the promised land. But NEVERTHELESS, it will…..no, IT HAS come to pass. For a glimpse, look no further than Revelation 21.

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth” (Revelation 21:1).

For Isaiah, history was headed to the first coming of the Messiah. For us, history is headed to the second coming of the Messiah. This is the only reason why we can have any semblance of hope and joy in the here and now. Christmas is a time to look back but it also provides the needed lenses through which to see and respond to whatever you face in 2021 and beyond.

Copyright © 2020 Dr. Timothy S. Lane

Love Others for the Long Term

Loving Others

Step 9

Love Others for the Long Term

So far we’ve covered eight steps that help us to choose the “right fork” at our junction. And I hope that by now you’ve been encouraged by some victories in your battle, however small. 

But… then what? In those moments when we do respond to circumstances in the right way, what happens next?

In the previous blog, I explained a situation in which my daughter came home from school and interrupted my peaceful, quiet time alone with a disrespectful response to my greeting. Let me continue to tell you what transpired once I got to my daughter’s bedroom.

Immediately after tapping on the door (instead of banging in anger), I was able to say in a calm voice, “How are you doing and would you like to talk?” An amazing change had transpired in me. My body language, tone of voice, emotions, choice of words, and how I knocked on the door had been radically altered. The drama of redemption had played out in my life and my daughter had no idea that she had been rescued from me because I had been rescued from myself… by God’s gracious help.

Yet as soon as those calm words came out of my mouth, my daughter responded in a way that might surprise and frustrate you: “Go away! I don’t want to talk to anyone, not even you!”

Wow! Now I was faced with a new situation. How would I respond to her response? Would I become self-righteous on the heels of my transformation? “How can she act that way toward me, especially after I was so godly?” It almost sounds funny, doesn’t it? Thankfully, I was able to respond in a quiet manner with these words: “That’s fine; if you want to talk, I’ll be downstairs. Dinner will be ready in an hour.”

Sometimes we will choose the path of obedience and find that we still don’t get what we hope for. Our attempts at change will sometimes go unappreciated. Maybe your spouse doesn’t even notice the efforts you make at de-escalating a conflict. Or perhaps you’ve offered an apology to someone for your behavior in the past, but they’ve continued to spurn it.

And this isn’t just the case in our relationships with other people—sometimes we’ll end up frustrated at ourselves, too. We’ll find that our sin clings tight, and that our small victories are just one battle in a larger war. Maybe you’ve managed to go a whole week without pornography—but you find that the unwanted images continue to replay in your mind. Or if you struggle with anxiety, you might be encouraged by your response to one stressful situation, only to be thrown off course by the next. When that happens, we need to keep in mind the big picture. We need to play the long game.

In one given moment, there’s usually only a small difference between the left and right paths. But if we keep choosing right, time after time, our lives will end up in a different place altogether than if we’d kept choosing the left path. It’s about long-term difference. Sometimes, we’ll still do the wrong thing—we’ll “go left.” But it’s the bigger picture that matters. And the more we go right, the easier it is to go right next time. The left path starts to look more “overgrown” as our habits change.

Imagine if my daughter grew up in a family where, for 18 years, her father was always dropping the hammer. Imagine, though, if she grew up in a family where, for 18 years, her father was growing in grace and showing humility and patience, albeit imperfectly. These little moments may seem inconsequential, but not when you view them within the larger perspective of months and years. These two father/daughter relationships may not look that different early on, but they will look radically different over the course of many years. That is the larger perspective we need to have when we consider the process of growth in grace. Every little moment counts!

This is a short excerpt from Chapter 9 of Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change That Lasts.

Practicing Gospel Awareness or "Christian Mindfulness"

Location, Location, Location!

What does it look like to practice Gospel Awareness? How do you remain mindful of your relationship to Christ in the push and pull of daily life? It’s not easy. It requires focus, practice, humility and patience….with yourself.

It’s All About Union With Christ

Theologians have a phrase to capture this idea of a relationship with Christ; they call it “union with Christ.” The apostle Paul calls it being “In Christ.” He uses this term approximately 165 times in his letters. That means it must be pretty important.

There are many passages that highlight different aspects of this new status and relationship that we have with God. One such place is Ephesians 1, which starts with these words;

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

Paul then goes on to list these “spiritual blessings”—these are all ways of describing the many facets of our new relationship with God. And the implications for daily living are profound.

Below is a list of nine blessings that are true of you if you are “in Christ” for you to slow down and meditate on. You can find a more exhaustive explanation of each of these in Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change that Lasts.

Let’s Practice Christian Mindfulness

When you begin to savor what kind of relationship you have with God, you are more willing, able and ready to demolish anything that is keeping you from growing and becoming more like Jesus. So as you read the list, take a moment to talk to God and thank him for how he has made it possible for you to enjoy knowing him relating to him in the micro-moments of daily life.

1. Chosen and Predestined (Ephesians 1 v 4, 11): Before you ever came into existence, God chose you to be his very dear child. In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. You are not alone in the universe.

2. Called (Ephesians 4 v 1, 4): By his Spirit, God began to draw you to himself long before you ever started thinking about moving in his direction. In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. You were sought after by God.

3. Made alive / regenerated (Ephesians 2 v 4): As part of the process of being called, you were given new, spiritual, life that enabled you to confess your sins and place your trust and hope in Jesus. In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. You are no longer powerless and enslaved to sin.

4. Justified (Ephesians 1 v 7, Romans 5 v 1): As a result of your initial trust in Christ, your sins were forgiven because Jesus died to pay the penalty for those sins. But there is even more. You are now viewed by God as if you have lived a perfect life because Jesus lived a perfect life in your place. In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. You are fully accepted by God and you don’t have to earn his favor.

5. Adopted (Ephesians 1 v 5): At the very moment that you trusted in Christ you were “adopted” by God. You have moved out of the courthouse, where he sits as Judge, and you have been welcomed into the family home, where he embraces you as your Father. In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. You are no longer isolated; you have the Father and the family you always wanted.

6. Ongoing Change (Ephesians 1 v 4, 13-14): Now that God has adopted you, he is committed to sanctifying you—making you more like Jesus. He has given you the Holy Spirit, who gives you a new power and ability to fight sin through the practice of daily repentance and faith. In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. You are no longer pre-programmed to sin. You do not need to stay stuck. You can change!

7. Hope in Suffering (Ephesians 3 v 13): God loves you so much, and is so committed to making you like Christ, that he’s prepared to use any means to do it. And sometimes, that involves suffering (1 Peter 1 v 6-9). In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. You will not be overcome by your suffering.

8. Perseverance (Ephesians 1 v 13-14; 2 v 10): God is going to finish what he started in you (Philippians 1 v 6). You are in a spiritual war that will not end until you die or Jesus returns (Ephesians 6 v 10-18). Your enemies are the world (the world around us that is at odds with God), the flesh (remaining sin in you that is not yet completely eradicated) and the devil (the one who would love to derail your faith). In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. God is working in you to enable you to persevere until the very end.

9. Glorification (Ephesians 1 v 10, 13-14): And if all of this were not enough, you have his promise that one day you will be completely transformed into the glorious likeness of Jesus. In view of the nature of your relationship with God, talk to him now and thank him for his grace. The restoration of all things, including yourself, is coming.

Practicing Gospel Awareness or “Christian Mindfulness” will involve keeping these realities at the forefront of your mind as you go about your daily life. This will not happen automatically. It will require attention, awareness and focus. But as you do this over time, you will find that it will become more natural. These new habits will lead to a new way of thinking, believing and doing over time.

Read more about this in my latest book, Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change that Lasts.