Newly Revised Book on Anxiety Now Available

Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace

By Timothy Lane

Beginning in March, my newly revised book on worry and anxiety will be available.

Over a year ago, the first printing was ending and The Good Book Company was planning on changing the cover of the book. At that time, I asked if I could make some edits and add some content to the book. That idea was welcomed so I made changes and updated the book based upon more years of counseling those with anxiety.

The two major changes I made are reflected in the first part of the book. The first addition includes a clear statement about the tone of Jesus’ command for us not to worry. The second change has to do with how our brain and autonomic nervous system functions in anxiety. Below is an excerpt from the new revised version of Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace.

Jesus talks about worry. And before we look at what he said, it is important to understand the tone he uses as he speaks to you during your worries. So before we begin, I’d love for you to read Luke 12 v 32 out loud:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

This verse comes towards the end of Jesus’ most extended teaching on worry. Now read it again:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

To understand the tone that Jesus uses here, let me take you back to when I was a parent with young children. It was not uncommon for one of our children (we raised four!) to awaken in the middle of the night having had a bad dream. They would come stumbling into our bedroom at 2 or 3 a.m., deeply afraid and sometimes crying. If you are a parent, I guess you can recall moments like these.

Now, how do you think my wife and I responded in these moments? We did not say in a stern rebuking way, “Don’t be afraid; go back to bed!” That would be a command but with little compassion! No! We would say something like this in a soft and soothing voice: “What’s wrong? Are you having a bad dream? Are you afraid? Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid. Mommy and Daddy are here. It’s going to be ok. Don’t worry. Come up here and let me hold you.”

The difference between the first response and the second is not just in content but primarily in tone. And the second response is how Jesus speaks to us when we are afraid or filled with anxiety. It, too, contains commands, but it is laden with tenderness and compassion.

As you read the chapters of this book, keep this in front of you the entire way. Jesus is calling you out of your anxiety because he knows it is not helpful. He encourages you in your struggle to find safety. He creates the very safety you are so desperately seeking, and shows you how to turn to him in child-like trust. That is the goal of this book. Read it with these tender words in mind, even when the truths may be hard to hear. Why not say them one more time?

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

If you found this short excerpt helpful, let me know in the comments section of the website or in Facebook or Twitter. Do not be afraid, little flock….

Do You Know the Stages of Temptation?

No one wakes up one morning and decides to become addicted to a substance or behavior. No one decides in the moment to be unfaithful to their spouse. While we do make decisions in the moment, these decisions are connected to a much more complex web of influences, vulnerabilities, desires, and pain over days, weeks, months, and even years. Let no one dupe you into thinking that temptation and giving into temptation is a simple human experience or an easy one to identify, understand, fight, and change.

If James 1:1—18 gives us a broad framework for understanding temptation, James 1:13—18 maps out the illusive stages and progression of temptation in a way that can be useful for us as we seek to fight temptation. If you are looking in the Bible for the language of “addiction” or “use-disorder”, this is one of many places where you will find it:

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Let’s focus on verses 13-15 first. Notice the progression of the stages and the analogy that James uses. It is the analogy of seduction, conception, gestation, birth, growth, death. Remember, a baby isn’t conceived, born, and is full grown in a moment. Rather, the process of birth takes almost 1 year! And remember, as it relates to temptation and sin, the consequences often don’t show up until much later than that. Keep that in mind when you think about temptation. Let’s look at the stages that James highlights:

1. Stage One: Blaming God/Avoiding Responsibility—v. 13 “God is tempting me”

2. Stage Two: Seduction—vv.1 4-15 “dragged away, evil desires, enticed”

3. Stage Three: Conception—v. 15 “after desire has conceived”

4. Stage Four: Birth—v. 15 “gives birth to sin”

5. Stage Five: Growth—v. 15 "when it is full grown”

6. Stage Six: Death—v.15 “gives birth to death”

The process that James describes allows for a long time for temptation to develop. Consider any area of your life where you struggle with temptation and disobedience. The struggle has deep and long tentacles in your past. If you struggle with anger, you will be able to see this vulnerability in your hard-wiring, family of origin, significant events/relationships, and current stressors. When you see this, you are able to recognize when you are triggered. And when you are triggered, that micro-moment is connected to a long history that swells into the present in such a way that you feel you have no control over the “instantaneous” instinct to react. The sudden urge to give into temptation started long ago!

If that makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t stop reading. It is in moment’s like these that we need God’s forgiving, rescuing, empowering, enabling grace. And this is precisely where James takes us in verses 16-18.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.

I have taught through James numerous times. On my first and second pass through this chapter, I felt like these verses must have been inserted later by some incompetent editor. Or worse, James must have been distracted as he penned this letter! But upon further reflection, I see that he knew exactly what he was doing. He ends this section by reminding us of Jesus. Jesus is the good gift from above that the Father has sent, in whom we find new birth. This new birth leads to a new power within for the present and a promised hope for ultimate victory one day!

Are you fighting a battle in your life. This passage normalizes the struggle and calls us to deep reflection and gratitude for your Redeemer. Knowing the stages can be very helpful as you understand your story and your unique areas of vulnerability. Knowing that God has lavished his grace upon you is essential, too!

Fighting Temptation

Anglican Bishop J. C. Ryle (1816-1900), once said that there are at least two marks that indicate that someone has become a Christian:

1. There is a new peace!

2. There is a new fight!

He couldn’t have spoken more accurately. There is a new peace because you have been reconciled in your relationship with God through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. You experience forgiveness of sins, reconciliation with God and a conscience that has been cleansed from guilt and shame.

There is a new fight because the Holy Spirit is now at work in you, providing enabling power to fight the remnants of remaining sin. That’s a strange combination but one that Scripture wholeheartedly proclaims.

As for point 2, what does it look like to fight temptation?

1. Know what Temptation Is:

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance…..12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

James 1 is a very helpful chapter when defining temptation. In James 1, the same Greek word for temptation is used in verses 2, 3, 12, 13 and 14. It means 2 different things based upon the context. In verses 2, 3, and 12, the word means external pressures. In verses 13 and 14, the word means an internal battle. Those are very different meanings. According to James, God sends external trials or tests for the purpose of deepening our trust in him (vv. 2, 3, 12). He never sets traps (vv. 13-14) to cause us to fall into sin and disobedience. So, a temptation is an internal war within each believer between remaining sin and the new power of the Holy Spirit.

2. Know the Context of Temptation:

9 Believers in humble circumstances (poverty) ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

James 1:9-11 speak of the rich and poor. What is the point? Both riches and poverty are equally trials! In other words, a life of adversity has its challenges as does a life of prosperity. We can be easily duped into thinking that all is well in a season of blessing and that all is not well in a season of adversity. Nothing could be further from the truth. When life is moving along without any trouble, it is tempting to think that you don’t really need God’s grace. That is a very serious place to be.

3. Know the Stages of Temptation:

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

James 1:13-15 spell out the slippery slope of temptation. It begins with a simple desire, but that desire quickly morphs into a demand. Why? Because of the condition of the heart of the person. It is due to a desire to worship anything but the true and living God. This slippery slope leads to death not life.

4. Know the Way Out of Temptation:

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

James 1:16-18 seem out of place after a long section on external trials and internal battles. But it is precisely what we need. For James, the way out of temptation is through a new power and dynamic of worship. Seeing the Father as the giver of all good gifts. Especially the One perfect gift that brings new birth. That One gift is Jesus, who comes to free us from the bondage of guilt and shame.

Anxiety and Micro-Threats

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3

Over the past year, I have counseled many people who are anxious. What has been interesting is the common experience that most share. They can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for their anxiety. “I’ve never really struggled with anxiety before or to this level…I can’t seem to understand why now!”

At first glance, James 1:2-3 may not seem like a very helpful, compassionate, or encouraging few verses. But take note of two things:

1. James was the lead pastor of the church in Jerusalem. The occasion for him writing this pastoral letter was to encourage his congregants who were suffering persecution. He is not writing as an “arm-chair” theologian but a pastor who has a deep love for his flock.

2. Notice the phrase trials of many kinds. Now keep those two points in mind as we continue to think about anxiety and “micro-threats.”

In light of James 1:2-3, when I hear someone tell me that they are struggling with anxiety but they don’t know why, I begin to ask them to use another word; stress. Tell me what stressors are in your life right now and over the past few months or years. That’s when things become clearer for them. The list gets longer and longer. They start by quickly acknowledging the pandemic but move past it by saying, “But isn’t everyone a bit anxious about the pandemic?” As if that should make their anxiety less of an issue. Then they proceed to talk about numerable “minor” things that have been in their lives recently

1. Conflict with a family member or spouse

2. Issues with working from home

3. Financial uncertainty

4. Health problems

5. Home repairs and car problems

6. Lack of Sleep

7. Limited Social Interaction

8. Racial and Political Tension

9. Loss of a loved one/s over the past few years

10. Heartbreak over an adult child’s life decisions

11. Guilt and shame from self-medicating to assuage the pain

12. ETC!

As you can see, all of these “micro-threats” or trials of many kinds start to add up. Once a person starts to see their list, they begin to feel normal. That’s right! Normal. Inevitably, seeing the aggregate of issues allows them to see that they have a lot going on in their lives and their tension, stress and anxiety is a normal response to not feeling safe.

Maybe you have been facing trials of MANY kinds and have wondered why you are stressed and feeling anxious. Just because you can’t point to one specific reason or circumstance doesn’t mean that your anxiety is irrational. It could very well be that you are very much in your right mind. Life has been hard and you can see the multiple pressure points in a way that allows you to approach God without guilt or shame but in true dependence. Why don’t you pair James 1:2-3 with Matthew 11:28-30. Listen to Jesus’ empathetic invitation to you in these comforting verses.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

If you are feeling overwhelmed today, there may be many good reasons for that. And because Jesus understands your plight, he welcomes you to draw near to him and find comfort in his compassion and grace. Go to him now with all of your micro-threats. You won’t be disappointed. I promise.

Love Others for the Long Term

Loving Others

Step 9

Love Others for the Long Term

So far we’ve covered eight steps that help us to choose the “right fork” at our junction. And I hope that by now you’ve been encouraged by some victories in your battle, however small. 

But… then what? In those moments when we do respond to circumstances in the right way, what happens next?

In the previous blog, I explained a situation in which my daughter came home from school and interrupted my peaceful, quiet time alone with a disrespectful response to my greeting. Let me continue to tell you what transpired once I got to my daughter’s bedroom.

Immediately after tapping on the door (instead of banging in anger), I was able to say in a calm voice, “How are you doing and would you like to talk?” An amazing change had transpired in me. My body language, tone of voice, emotions, choice of words, and how I knocked on the door had been radically altered. The drama of redemption had played out in my life and my daughter had no idea that she had been rescued from me because I had been rescued from myself… by God’s gracious help.

Yet as soon as those calm words came out of my mouth, my daughter responded in a way that might surprise and frustrate you: “Go away! I don’t want to talk to anyone, not even you!”

Wow! Now I was faced with a new situation. How would I respond to her response? Would I become self-righteous on the heels of my transformation? “How can she act that way toward me, especially after I was so godly?” It almost sounds funny, doesn’t it? Thankfully, I was able to respond in a quiet manner with these words: “That’s fine; if you want to talk, I’ll be downstairs. Dinner will be ready in an hour.”

Sometimes we will choose the path of obedience and find that we still don’t get what we hope for. Our attempts at change will sometimes go unappreciated. Maybe your spouse doesn’t even notice the efforts you make at de-escalating a conflict. Or perhaps you’ve offered an apology to someone for your behavior in the past, but they’ve continued to spurn it.

And this isn’t just the case in our relationships with other people—sometimes we’ll end up frustrated at ourselves, too. We’ll find that our sin clings tight, and that our small victories are just one battle in a larger war. Maybe you’ve managed to go a whole week without pornography—but you find that the unwanted images continue to replay in your mind. Or if you struggle with anxiety, you might be encouraged by your response to one stressful situation, only to be thrown off course by the next. When that happens, we need to keep in mind the big picture. We need to play the long game.

In one given moment, there’s usually only a small difference between the left and right paths. But if we keep choosing right, time after time, our lives will end up in a different place altogether than if we’d kept choosing the left path. It’s about long-term difference. Sometimes, we’ll still do the wrong thing—we’ll “go left.” But it’s the bigger picture that matters. And the more we go right, the easier it is to go right next time. The left path starts to look more “overgrown” as our habits change.

Imagine if my daughter grew up in a family where, for 18 years, her father was always dropping the hammer. Imagine, though, if she grew up in a family where, for 18 years, her father was growing in grace and showing humility and patience, albeit imperfectly. These little moments may seem inconsequential, but not when you view them within the larger perspective of months and years. These two father/daughter relationships may not look that different early on, but they will look radically different over the course of many years. That is the larger perspective we need to have when we consider the process of growth in grace. Every little moment counts!

This is a short excerpt from Chapter 9 of Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change That Lasts.