Newly Revised Book on Anxiety Now Available

Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace

By Timothy Lane

Beginning in March, my newly revised book on worry and anxiety will be available.

Over a year ago, the first printing was ending and The Good Book Company was planning on changing the cover of the book. At that time, I asked if I could make some edits and add some content to the book. That idea was welcomed so I made changes and updated the book based upon more years of counseling those with anxiety.

The two major changes I made are reflected in the first part of the book. The first addition includes a clear statement about the tone of Jesus’ command for us not to worry. The second change has to do with how our brain and autonomic nervous system functions in anxiety. Below is an excerpt from the new revised version of Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace.

Jesus talks about worry. And before we look at what he said, it is important to understand the tone he uses as he speaks to you during your worries. So before we begin, I’d love for you to read Luke 12 v 32 out loud:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

This verse comes towards the end of Jesus’ most extended teaching on worry. Now read it again:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

To understand the tone that Jesus uses here, let me take you back to when I was a parent with young children. It was not uncommon for one of our children (we raised four!) to awaken in the middle of the night having had a bad dream. They would come stumbling into our bedroom at 2 or 3 a.m., deeply afraid and sometimes crying. If you are a parent, I guess you can recall moments like these.

Now, how do you think my wife and I responded in these moments? We did not say in a stern rebuking way, “Don’t be afraid; go back to bed!” That would be a command but with little compassion! No! We would say something like this in a soft and soothing voice: “What’s wrong? Are you having a bad dream? Are you afraid? Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid. Mommy and Daddy are here. It’s going to be ok. Don’t worry. Come up here and let me hold you.”

The difference between the first response and the second is not just in content but primarily in tone. And the second response is how Jesus speaks to us when we are afraid or filled with anxiety. It, too, contains commands, but it is laden with tenderness and compassion.

As you read the chapters of this book, keep this in front of you the entire way. Jesus is calling you out of your anxiety because he knows it is not helpful. He encourages you in your struggle to find safety. He creates the very safety you are so desperately seeking, and shows you how to turn to him in child-like trust. That is the goal of this book. Read it with these tender words in mind, even when the truths may be hard to hear. Why not say them one more time?

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

If you found this short excerpt helpful, let me know in the comments section of the website or in Facebook or Twitter. Do not be afraid, little flock….

Anxiety and Micro-Threats

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3

Over the past year, I have counseled many people who are anxious. What has been interesting is the common experience that most share. They can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for their anxiety. “I’ve never really struggled with anxiety before or to this level…I can’t seem to understand why now!”

At first glance, James 1:2-3 may not seem like a very helpful, compassionate, or encouraging few verses. But take note of two things:

1. James was the lead pastor of the church in Jerusalem. The occasion for him writing this pastoral letter was to encourage his congregants who were suffering persecution. He is not writing as an “arm-chair” theologian but a pastor who has a deep love for his flock.

2. Notice the phrase trials of many kinds. Now keep those two points in mind as we continue to think about anxiety and “micro-threats.”

In light of James 1:2-3, when I hear someone tell me that they are struggling with anxiety but they don’t know why, I begin to ask them to use another word; stress. Tell me what stressors are in your life right now and over the past few months or years. That’s when things become clearer for them. The list gets longer and longer. They start by quickly acknowledging the pandemic but move past it by saying, “But isn’t everyone a bit anxious about the pandemic?” As if that should make their anxiety less of an issue. Then they proceed to talk about numerable “minor” things that have been in their lives recently

1. Conflict with a family member or spouse

2. Issues with working from home

3. Financial uncertainty

4. Health problems

5. Home repairs and car problems

6. Lack of Sleep

7. Limited Social Interaction

8. Racial and Political Tension

9. Loss of a loved one/s over the past few years

10. Heartbreak over an adult child’s life decisions

11. Guilt and shame from self-medicating to assuage the pain

12. ETC!

As you can see, all of these “micro-threats” or trials of many kinds start to add up. Once a person starts to see their list, they begin to feel normal. That’s right! Normal. Inevitably, seeing the aggregate of issues allows them to see that they have a lot going on in their lives and their tension, stress and anxiety is a normal response to not feeling safe.

Maybe you have been facing trials of MANY kinds and have wondered why you are stressed and feeling anxious. Just because you can’t point to one specific reason or circumstance doesn’t mean that your anxiety is irrational. It could very well be that you are very much in your right mind. Life has been hard and you can see the multiple pressure points in a way that allows you to approach God without guilt or shame but in true dependence. Why don’t you pair James 1:2-3 with Matthew 11:28-30. Listen to Jesus’ empathetic invitation to you in these comforting verses.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

If you are feeling overwhelmed today, there may be many good reasons for that. And because Jesus understands your plight, he welcomes you to draw near to him and find comfort in his compassion and grace. Go to him now with all of your micro-threats. You won’t be disappointed. I promise.

Is Worry A Sin?

“Is worry a sin?” This is one of the most asked questions I hear whenever I am speaking or teaching on the subject of worry and anxiety. I would like to begin my answer to that question by sharing a simple example from my own experience.

My Own Experience with Anxiety

When I completed my book on worry in 2015, I was invited by the publisher to do a book tour in the UK. As I prepared for the trip, I found myself getting more anxious. In fact, the day that I was to fly from Atlanta to London, my lower back muscles contracted as I was bending over to put on my socks! I immediately knew what was happening – my low-grade anxiety about the trip was creating physiological symptoms. I was experiencing muscular tension, and one little move caused my lower back to seize up. How ironic that my preparation to travel to speak about my new book on anxiety was creating an occasion to become anxious!

Thankfully, my wife was able to get me to a doctor that day. When we arrived, the doctor said that he could help provide immediate relief but it meant giving me several shots into my lower back muscles to stop the spasms. I became even more anxious because I hate the thought and the sight of needles, even when they are going to be used on someone else! As he began his procedure he spoke very calming words. “Tim, this will not hurt much. You will only feel an initial prick of the needle. When I am finished, you will be able to move about freely.” While he was speaking these words, my wife had her hand on my shoulder and was comforting me as she knew I was in great pain and had a flight to catch in just a few hours. Her words and actions of comfort, along with the doctor’s, helped me tremendously as he gave me the shot. I did not know it at the time, but he actually gave me about 5-6 shots in about 15 seconds!

I know that this illustration may seem rather trivial, but it does illustrate my point and helps to answer the question, “Is worry a sin?” I want to address this question by highlighting 4 things:

1. The Tone of the Command

First, when Jesus, Peter and Paul admonish us to “not worry,” it is important to capture the tone of the command. None of these writers are seeking to shame or guilt us in the midst of our worry. Each speaks in ways that are comforting and encouraging. They all know very well the brokenness of this world and our personal frailty as broken human beings. Their command to not worry is captured in a context of encouragement. Listen to just two examples. First, Jesus says this in Luke 12:32:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the Kingdom.

The added words, “little flock,” connote tenderness, not guilt or shame. When Paul gives instruction about caring for fearful people, he says this in I Thessalonians 5:14:

Encourage the fearful.

Paul is following in the very incarnate footsteps of Jesus as he counsels us on how to help fearful, anxious people. He calls us to encourage them. Once again, there is no hint of shame or guilt in either Jesus’ or Paul’s words.

2. The Reason for the Command

Second, we can’t ignore the fact that Jesus, Peter and Paul do command us not to be afraid or anxious. There is something at stake in our tendency to worry. For Jesus, he knows that our tendency to worry strikes at the very heart of what we worship, treasure and adore. When we are worrying, it is due to the fact that we are seeking to find stability, strength and encouragement in someone or something other than him. This is no simple matter, and it grieves him that we would seek to find refuge in anything besides himself. It grieves him because he knows that he alone can truly meet us in the midst of our struggles.

His command is addressing a serious pivot away from him, but it is done in a way that calls us back to himself. The fact that he commands us is an indication that our tendency to stray is deeply problematic and destructive. That is why Jesus calls us to “seek first, his kingdom” when he calls us to move away from worry (Matthew 6:33). When we worry, we are becoming distracted in our loyalty to him alone and that can only lead to instability and fear on our part. He is never content for you to share your affection with someone or something else besides him. And he loves you too much to let you! His command is one of deep compassion for you, his child.

3. Suffering

Third, If you remember my own illustration, above, you can see that worry is often a combination of sin and suffering.

Let’s start with suffering. As I prepared for my flight and thought about the long travel, constant speaking and the unknown people and places I would be, I began to experience suffering in my body. The muscle tension was a form of suffering for which I needed wise and compassionate care. In this instance, I actually needed something to address the physiological symptoms of my anxiety right away. Often times, symptom relief is wholly appropriate and good. On many occasions, Jesus met the physical needs of those he cared for before he addressed their deeper needs. Christian compassion leads us to listen for the suffering in another person’s life. It calls us to take heed of the suffering in our own life. When we do, we are more patient, helpful and hopeful.

4. Sin

Fourth, let’s talk about sin. After the symptoms were relieved, I had to face some honest and helpful questions. “Why was I so anxious?” “What was I placing my trust in that caused me to feel so vulnerable?” “What mattered most to me that was causing me to feel fearful and worried?” In the context of being cared for by others, I was able to ask those questions and get below the surface of my anxiety and physiological symptoms.

As I thought about it, I discovered that a good bit of my anxiety was driven by my fear of what others might think of me as I presented my material on worry. Kind of ironic, huh?! I was worried about whether I would appear successful or whether I would fail. I also wondered if I had the strength to endure the rigorous speaking schedule and if I might say something stupid along the way. I found that I was also anxious about all of the details of my travel. Would I miss a train? Would I forget my notes? Would I arrive late to an event and not be as prepared as I would like?

In other words, I was revolving my life around another kingdom, not God’s. I was more enamored with my fame and less with God’s. This may sound harsh but in reality, it is! To seek my fame over God’s is a serious thing.

In Conclusion

Worry is often a combination of sin and suffering. It is important to understand what we mean by each. When you hear the word “sin,” it probably evokes images of high-handed disobedience. But sin is much more subtle than that. Sin is often a quiet, micro-moment when we shift our loyalty from God to something even good in creation. While it may be subtle, the destruction will become more apparent and visible as time goes by. That is why it can be so helpful to see it early on rather than later.

Living without worry

By Timothy Lane

Buy on Amazon

So you can see where my anxiety was a subtle shift from God’s fame to mine. It happened slowly but certainly. As I worried more, I found that my shift from God’s fame to mine moved me into an experience of physically suffering. This physical suffering then increased my anxiety! The vicious spiral had begun. In the midst of seeing these dynamics, I could begin to face my anxiety, not with guilt or shame, but rather with confidence that Jesus really was with me and for me. He was tenderly calling me back to life in his kingdom and out of my own because he loved me. His command was one of compassion and wisdom. My hope and trust increased as I saw him in that way. Hopefully, as you struggle with worry, that will be true for you as well.

Do not be afraid, little flock, for you Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom (Luke 12:32)!

Previous posts in this series:

• Are You Stressed Out?

• What Causes Us To Worry?

• What Exactly Is Anxiety?

• How Does the Bible Define Worry?

• Five Ways Worry Can Be Helpful

Five Ways Worry Can Be Helpful

We typically think that worry is a bad habit. But there is a good worry and a bad worry. Bad worry leads you to check out or become hyper-vigilant. Your “fight or flight” instincts are in overdrive when you are doing bad worry. That is usually what we mean when we use the word “worry.” We tend to see it as negative. Good worry, though, allows you to remain engaged, dependent upon God and prayerful. We have come to use other words to describe this kind of worry, like “concern.” It is important to know the difference. So, how do you know when you are engaging in “good” worry? Here are five things you should “worry” about in a good way.

1. Worry is not the same as concern.

If worry is “over-concern,” then it is different from “concern”. It is appropriate to be concerned about things. What Jesus is forbidding is “over-concern,” and not concern, itself.

When my oldest child was beginning to drive, I had legitimate concerns, because I was well aware of how dangerous driving could be if not properly prepared. So I acted as any responsible parent would; I made sure she received appropriate driver training. (I was wise enough to get a professional and not take on the task myself!). And I prayed for her (and for the other road users!).

That was godly concern. It leads to wise action and dependent prayer. Similarly, this is why I lock my doors to our house and pray that God will keep the place safe. There are many other examples from our daily lives which can flow from proper, godly concern: regular doctor checkups, balancing your finances, preparing for a child’s college education, getting your car serviced regularly. Jesus is not telling us not to be concerned about things. He is telling us not to be over-concerned. The two are not the same, and you can recognize the difference because concern takes wise action and prays dependently. Worry, or over-concern, thinks and acts as though everything is either up to you or completely out of control, and prays desperately, if at all.

2. The solution to worry is not becoming laid-back.

The answer to “over-concern” is not “under-concern.” The antidote to “over-concern” is not just being a lazy or “laid-back” person. Often times, being disengaged and indifferent can masquerade as godliness when in fact it is not. We all know laid-back people. Maybe you are one yourself. It can seem a wonderful way to live! But it is worth digging below the laid-back surface. Consider these three very different “laid back” people:

First, a person who is laid-back on the outside can still be a deeply worried person on the inside. They mask their anxiety by acting cool and collected. People like this tend to be driven, prickly and overly sensitive.

Second, a laid-back person can also be a deep worrier and one who has chosen to disengage and become indifferent. These kinds of worriers tend to be procrastinators. They avoid life.

Finally, someone can seem very calm and laid-back, but in fact they are deeply engaged with and invested in others’ lives and situations. They care deeply and passionately; and they are taking their worries to God and depending upon him as they face life’s challenges.

Those are three very different ways to be “laid-back.” The first two are not the answer to worry; and the third is not laid-back so much as God-dependent. The Christian life is one of complete engagement, not disengagement. In the same book where Paul talks about not being anxious for anything (Philippians 4:6), he also says, “work out your salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12-13), and “I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me” (Philippians 3:12).

3. Work is not necessarily an expression of worry.

Another common error is to think that the way to avoid worry is to become passive, and simply look to God to provide for all of your needs. Jesus’ illustrations about birds and plants might seem to suggest that passivity is next to godliness! Nothing could be further from the truth. God may provide food for the birds, but they have to actively go and get it. Plants do not automatically grow; they must draw on the nutrients in the soil and sun. So working hard is not necessarily (or even often) an expression of worry. In fact, it is a virtue. The fourth commandment says, Six days you shall labor and on the seventh you shall rest. In 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12, Paul says:

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: you should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

And he warns in 2 Thessalonians 3:10: The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat. You can’t get more straightforward than that! So clearly, Jesus is not saying that we are to stop all activities and sit idly by while life happens around us. (Of course, overworking could be a sign that we are deeply, chronically over-concerned; but it is not automatically so). See also, Proverbs 6:6-11 and I Timothy 5:8.

4. Protecting yourself is not the same as worry.

It is important to understand that godly fear and concern for your safety and the safety of others is not the same as the “worry” that Jesus is commanding us to avoid. Suppose that you are driving on a highway at night and you see another car heading toward you. A godly response would be to do whatever you can to steer your car to avoid an accident. Or suppose you are currently fearful for your own safety, or the safety of another person, because you have reason to believe that someone is going to harm you or them. You would be completely justified in doing whatever you can to protect yourself and others from harm. We read in the Gospels of how Jesus himself avoided the crowds who wanted to harm him because he knew he had more work and ministry to do (Luke 4:28-30).

If you are reading this and you are in a situation where you might be abused or harmed, then take action now to protect yourself. Call a friend or a pastor. If you are being threatened by your spouse, a parent, or anyone else, it would be wise and loving to contact an abuse center or the police. That is an expression of godly concern. I want to say as strongly as I can: it is not wrong to take action and seek help if you’re suffering or fearing abuse of any kind.

5. Saving and planning for the future is not necessarily an expression of worry.

Another common mistake that people have made when thinking about worry is to neglect or even frown upon putting money away for savings. Having a strong portfolio and significant savings may be an expression of worry and placing one’s confidence in finances and wealth, but it does not have to be. Consider Proverbs 6:6-11:

Living without worry

By Timothy Lane

Buy on Amazon

Go the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in the summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest---and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.

If you consider the context of Jesus’ teaching on worry in Luke 12:22-34 and Matthew 6:25-34, the obvious issue that Jesus is addressing is: which treasure are you looking to for strength and stability? The parable of the Rich Fool precedes Jesus’ teaching on worry in Luke 12:13-21. The idea of ultimate treasure precedes Jesus’ teaching on worry in Matthew 6:19-24.

Previous posts in this series:

• Are You Stressed Out?
• What Causes Us To Worry?
• What Exactly Is Anxiety?
• How Does the Bible Define Worry?

How Does the Bible Define Worry?

Anxiety and Scripture

After considering the strengths and limitations of modern diagnoses for anxiety, we need to take a moment to see how Scripture captures the experience of worry and how it pinpoints the problem at the most fundamental level.

In the Old and New Testaments there are a host of words that the writers use to capture the experience of anxiety. Interestingly, the same words can be used to describe something positive and negative; proper concern or problematic obsessive anxiety. The meaning changes based upon the broader context within which the word is used. Let’s take a moment and look at the primary word that is used in the New Testament for worry.

In the New Testament there are 26 occurrences of the word anxiety, and the word merimnao and its various cognate forms are used 22 times. Sometimes it means appropriate concern and care, sometimes it means worry/anxiety. Here are several examples of how the word is used in various contexts:

• Positive Examples: Merimnao means appropriate care or concern.
  • Philippians 2:19-20: I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that I also may be cheered when I receive the good news about you. I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare.
  • Philippians 2:28: Therefore, I am all the more eager to send him, so that when you see him again you may be glad and I may have less anxiety.
  • 2 Corinthians 11:28: Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.
  • I Corinthians 12:25: ...so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.
• Negative Uses: Merimnao means over-concern or anxiousness.
  • Matthew 6:25-34 and Luke 12:22-34: These are the 2 places we find Jesus’ teaching on worry. He clearly indicates that this kind of worry is something we should fight against.
  • Philippians 4:4-9: Paul says, Do not be anxious for anything.
  • I Peter 5:6-11: Peter says, Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Merimnao and Merizo

The negative usage raises a fundamental question. What does the word mean? Merimnao shares a connection with a similar word which is the word merizo. This word literally means “to divide,” “to draw in different directions,” “distract,” or  “an anxious care.” Here are some passages where merizo is used:

• Luke 10:41: In this passage, Martha is distracted about many things.
• Matthew 13:22: This passage describes the seed that is sown but the distractions of the world choke it out.

If you combine the meaning of the word merizo with the context in which Jesus is using the word merimnao, you begin to understand how the Bible defines worry. Let’s take a look at the broader context of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5-6. What is the distraction that causes worry?

Context

In Matthew 5:1-6:34, Jesus is teaching about what it looks like to live in his kingdom as opposed to another kingdom. Are you living your life in the realm of the kingdom of God or the kingdom of this world? The Beatitudes and Sermon on the Mount discuss a host of issues that contrast kingdom living or living as if this world is all there is. The Bible calls that “worldliness.”

Worldliness in Scripture often involves making something good in the creation and making it ultimate. Jesus says that when you do that, you are distracted or divided in your loyalty. You then begin to experience worry because this world is not substantial enough to produce stability, confidence and peace. This can happen if you make your health, finances, marriage, children, career or anything else in creation ultimate in your life. If you look at Jesus' teaching, he talks about making food, clothing and shelter what you strive after and make most important. Those are examples of good things morphing into what you live for.

John Stott puts it this way when he explains how we are to understand Jesus’ teaching on worry in Matthew 6:25-34:

It is a pity that this passage (Matthew 6:25-34) is often read on its own in church, isolated from what has gone before. Then the significance of the introductory “Therefore I tell you” is missed. So we must begin by relating this “therefore,” this conclusion of Jesus, to the teaching which has led up to it. He calls us to thought before he calls us to action. He invites us to look clearly and coolly at the alternatives before us and to weigh them up carefully. We want to accumulate treasure? Then which of the two possibilities is the more durable? We wish to be free and purposive in our movements? Then what must our eyes be like to facilitate this? We wish to serve the best master? Then we must consider which is the more worthy of our devotion.

Only when we have grasped with our minds the comparative durability of the two treasures (corruptible and incorruptible), the comparative usefulness of the two eye conditions (light and darkness) and the comparative worth of the two masters (God and mammon), are we ready to make our choice. And only when we have made our choice--for heavenly treasure, for light, for God---”therefore I tell you” this is how you must go on to behave: “do not be anxious about your life...nor about your body...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (25, 33).

In other words, our basic choice of which of the two masters we intend to serve will radically affect our attitude to both. We shall not be anxious about the one (for we have rejected it), but concentrate our mind and energy on the other (for we have chosen him); we shall refuse to become engrossed in our own concerns, but instead “seek first” the concerns of God.

–John Stott, Christian Counter Culture: The Message of the Sermon on the Mount, p. 159-160

Scripture says that there is a fundamental issue of allegiance underneath all of the multi-layered influences that can make anxiety more difficult. This fundamental allegiance is ultimately given to another kingdom. What kingdom are you living in? To whom will you look for security, safety and stability in an unstable world? Where is your treasure? Your answer to these questions will reveal what you are living for and why you are struggling with worry.

According to Scripture, at the heart of worry is an intense struggle to rest upon God’s care and power in the midst of a broken and unstable world. We are to live with godly concern which is dependent upon God and rooted in prayer. When we don’t, we will either “check out” or become “hyper-vigilant,” as illustrated in the diagram below:

Under-concern <------------------------------Godly Concern-------------------------------> Over-concern

What happens when you shift priorities and allegiances from God and his kingdom to your own? You begin to place your hopes and confidence in something unstable. As a result, you become unstable and begin to focus obsessively on that which can be taken away, that which is fleeting.

In Summary

Living without worry

By Timothy Lane

Buy on Amazon

In light of this biblical framework, you can begin to see how nuanced Scripture is when it comes to understanding and appreciating the struggle with worry. Our aim, by God’s grace, is to live in a zone of godly concern. While there may be many shaping influences that cause you to worry more than another person, everyone is called to relate to God in the midst of anxiety. In other words, the Bible is offering a cure for worry. It is not found in skills and techniques but in a person; God himself.

While skills and techniques may be helpful, Scripture offers more. The Bible offers a personal, redeeming, powerful God who enters our struggle and meets us with his grace. This is where we see the beauty of Christ and learn to talk to and depend upon him as the Spirit enables us.

Previous posts in this series:

• Are You Stressed Out?
• What Causes Us To Worry?
• What Exactly Is Anxiety?