Now Available: Newly Revised Book on Anxiety

Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace

By Timothy Lane

In my last blog, I mentioned a few changes that I made in the newly revised version of my book on worry. Feel free to read about the first change here.

The other changes you’ll find in the newly revised version involve how our brain and autonomic nervous system functions when we are struggling with anxiety. Since we are both body and soul, understanding how the body works can be helpful for all of us who struggle with anxiety.

Here is another brief excerpt from the book about anxiety and the autonomic nervous system followed by some helpful tools to navigate anxiety and better regulate the nervous system:

The Anatomy of Worry

You may remember learning about the autonomic nervous system at some point in school. Our nervous system is hard-wired to keep us alive. It is all about survival. That is a good thing. But when our nervous system is fighting to keep us alive and there is no apparent danger, that is a nervous system that is working overtime. That is the nature of anxiety. A good thing has been hijacked and now is creating all of the physiological sensations associated with “fight or flight” when there is no real need to be living in that state.

<———Autonomic Nervous System Continuum———>

Primary State: Lethargy <------Calm--------Active/Alert------Fight or Flight----Hyper Freeze--->Hypo Freeze

Arousal: Too Low Low Moderate High Extreme Overload Overwhelmed

In the continuum above, the goal is to live “normal life” in the Calm and Active/Alert Zone. When we move into “fight or flight” or “hyper freeze” and there is no real danger, that is the zone where anxiety exists and can cripple us.

This explains why our body acts the way it does. We are geared for protection and facing danger so our hearts beat faster, adrenaline and cortisol a released into our bodies. Our organs prepare themselves to do what they should do when our safety is threatened.

The problem we face is when we are in this state for prolonged periods of time when we don’t “need” to be. This takes a toll on our bodies over time and can shorten your life by many years. What drives the autonomic nervous system is the brain. We’ll discuss the brain in our next post, but for now, let’s focus on the autonomic nervous system.

So, how can you regulate your autonomic nervous system to move back into “Calm/Active/Alert”? There are many basic life skills that prove helpful, such as:

1. Diaphragmatic Breathing—“4-4-6”: In this exercise, you breathe in your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, and then exhale for 6 seconds. Do this 5-8 times. I often do this when I am driving my car and feel anxious! This exercise allows your heart rate to reset and engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which brings you back into a state of calm.

2. Grounding Exercise 1—“5-4-3-2-1”: In this exercise, you engage your senses to bring you back into the present rather than focusing on the unpredictable future. What are 5 things you can see? What are 4 things you can feel? What are 3 things you can hear? What are 2 things you can smell? What is 1 thing you can taste?

3. Grounding Exercise 2—“5-4-3-2-1”: I have a counselor friend, Eliza Huie, who has changed this life skill to include meditating on God. What are 5 things God created that bring you joy? What are 4 things that God provides that give you peace? What are 3 promises of God that give you hope? Who are 2 people that God uses to uplift and encourage you? What is 1 name of God that calms your soul?

4. Simple Pleasures: Sometimes I will have clients list 25 things they enjoy that are healthy habits or simple pleasures that are refreshing to them. Then I ask them how many of them and how much of these simple pleasures are present in their lives. Examples would be going for a walk, listening to music, getting restful sleep, reading a book, etc. The list can be quite long once you start. One time, I had someone list 50 things and report that they were doing none of them! Simple pleasures are like manna in Scripture. They are daily signs of God’s goodness and care for you.

5. Bibliotherapy: In her book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Deb Dana has done some very helpful and practical work on how to regulate the nervous system. There are 4 parts to the book: 1. Befriending the Nervous System 2. Mapping the Nervous System 3. Navigating the Nervous System 4. Shaping the Nervous System. The book is very accessible, and I would highly recommend it to counselors, but also anyone who struggles with anxiety.

6. Locating Safe Community: There is nothing like having safe people in your life. We humans are “pack animals.” We survive together. God has wired us for community, and it is paramount to find a safe community where we can be seen, shown empathy and encouraged to grow in the grace and wisdom of Christ. This is the intended role of the body of Christ.

In my book, Living Without Worry: How To Replace Anxiety with Peace, I seek to show you that the God in Scripture is the safest person in the universe for the anxious. If there is any struggle that the Bible speaks to most, it is worry. The most repeated phrase in Scripture is, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for my Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32). I hope that these resources, along with my book, will provide helpful comfort and direction as you navigate your anxiety!

Newly Revised Book on Anxiety Now Available

Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace

By Timothy Lane

Beginning in March, my newly revised book on worry and anxiety will be available.

Over a year ago, the first printing was ending and The Good Book Company was planning on changing the cover of the book. At that time, I asked if I could make some edits and add some content to the book. That idea was welcomed so I made changes and updated the book based upon more years of counseling those with anxiety.

The two major changes I made are reflected in the first part of the book. The first addition includes a clear statement about the tone of Jesus’ command for us not to worry. The second change has to do with how our brain and autonomic nervous system functions in anxiety. Below is an excerpt from the new revised version of Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace.

Jesus talks about worry. And before we look at what he said, it is important to understand the tone he uses as he speaks to you during your worries. So before we begin, I’d love for you to read Luke 12 v 32 out loud:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

This verse comes towards the end of Jesus’ most extended teaching on worry. Now read it again:

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

To understand the tone that Jesus uses here, let me take you back to when I was a parent with young children. It was not uncommon for one of our children (we raised four!) to awaken in the middle of the night having had a bad dream. They would come stumbling into our bedroom at 2 or 3 a.m., deeply afraid and sometimes crying. If you are a parent, I guess you can recall moments like these.

Now, how do you think my wife and I responded in these moments? We did not say in a stern rebuking way, “Don’t be afraid; go back to bed!” That would be a command but with little compassion! No! We would say something like this in a soft and soothing voice: “What’s wrong? Are you having a bad dream? Are you afraid? Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid. Mommy and Daddy are here. It’s going to be ok. Don’t worry. Come up here and let me hold you.”

The difference between the first response and the second is not just in content but primarily in tone. And the second response is how Jesus speaks to us when we are afraid or filled with anxiety. It, too, contains commands, but it is laden with tenderness and compassion.

As you read the chapters of this book, keep this in front of you the entire way. Jesus is calling you out of your anxiety because he knows it is not helpful. He encourages you in your struggle to find safety. He creates the very safety you are so desperately seeking, and shows you how to turn to him in child-like trust. That is the goal of this book. Read it with these tender words in mind, even when the truths may be hard to hear. Why not say them one more time?

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

If you found this short excerpt helpful, let me know in the comments section of the website or in Facebook or Twitter. Do not be afraid, little flock….

2021 Year End Review

A Year of Unprecedented Growth

In 2021, the focus has been on the pandemic and the threat that it poses to our physical health. Yet, the threat to our mental health has largely been overlooked. In 2021, the number of counseling sessions has increased by approximately 35% (close to 1000 sessions, some multiple hours)! That has posed a challenge for my own mental health. I am wired to “get things done” but even this caseload has challenged my bandwith to respond to the requests for counseling. From marriages traumatized by infidelity, individuals experiencing debilitating anxiety and depression, to profound loneliness, people are hurting. I am thankful for the addition of Dale Zarlenga as he has absorbed some of the increase in counseling cases.

A Year of Minimal Travel but Not Impact

Although travel has been picking back up, most of the speaking events this year have shifted to Zoom. This year, I did several marriage webinars with churches in Toronto and New York. I also pre-recorded a series of talks for a group in Australia around my newest book, Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change that Lasts.

New Online Courses

In 2021, I partnered with Trinity Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, AL and East Cobb Presbyterian Church in Atlanta to do several training events that were recorded in video and are now available for purchase to use individually, as well as with small groups and leaders in churches. New courses are listed below:

• Cultivating a Culture of Grace and Growth in the Local Church—this course maps out a vision for local church care and provides suggestions for structure and process.

• Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change That Lasts—this course gives leaders a simple but rich way of thinking about people and their problems that allows for complexity.

• Relationships: A Mess Worth Making—this course provides guidance to think about the nature and purpose of relationships within the body of Christ.

I hope to add another training video that will help small group leaders and pastors develop a practical methodology to help them care for their sheep in wise and Christ-centered ways.

New Writing Projects

Over the next year, I hope to pursue another writing project that has been in the works for over 5 years. The research and work I have been doing revolves around what makes marriages thrive. I am thankful for all the couples I have had the honor to counsel, as well as the research I have managed to do in the midst of a full counseling caseload. I am outlining the major sections of the book, now.

How You Can Help

While the added revenue from counseling has made a significant positive impact on the bottom line, there are always situations where it is wise and gracious to offer help to those who can not afford our services. Given that ever present need, I would like to ask you to become a donor. You can give a one time gift or become a monthly investor. Thank you for your ongoing prayers and investment this ministry!

Please Consider Helping Those In Need of Wise, Christ-centered Care.

Do You Know the Stages of Temptation?

No one wakes up one morning and decides to become addicted to a substance or behavior. No one decides in the moment to be unfaithful to their spouse. While we do make decisions in the moment, these decisions are connected to a much more complex web of influences, vulnerabilities, desires, and pain over days, weeks, months, and even years. Let no one dupe you into thinking that temptation and giving into temptation is a simple human experience or an easy one to identify, understand, fight, and change.

If James 1:1—18 gives us a broad framework for understanding temptation, James 1:13—18 maps out the illusive stages and progression of temptation in a way that can be useful for us as we seek to fight temptation. If you are looking in the Bible for the language of “addiction” or “use-disorder”, this is one of many places where you will find it:

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Let’s focus on verses 13-15 first. Notice the progression of the stages and the analogy that James uses. It is the analogy of seduction, conception, gestation, birth, growth, death. Remember, a baby isn’t conceived, born, and is full grown in a moment. Rather, the process of birth takes almost 1 year! And remember, as it relates to temptation and sin, the consequences often don’t show up until much later than that. Keep that in mind when you think about temptation. Let’s look at the stages that James highlights:

1. Stage One: Blaming God/Avoiding Responsibility—v. 13 “God is tempting me”

2. Stage Two: Seduction—vv.1 4-15 “dragged away, evil desires, enticed”

3. Stage Three: Conception—v. 15 “after desire has conceived”

4. Stage Four: Birth—v. 15 “gives birth to sin”

5. Stage Five: Growth—v. 15 "when it is full grown”

6. Stage Six: Death—v.15 “gives birth to death”

The process that James describes allows for a long time for temptation to develop. Consider any area of your life where you struggle with temptation and disobedience. The struggle has deep and long tentacles in your past. If you struggle with anger, you will be able to see this vulnerability in your hard-wiring, family of origin, significant events/relationships, and current stressors. When you see this, you are able to recognize when you are triggered. And when you are triggered, that micro-moment is connected to a long history that swells into the present in such a way that you feel you have no control over the “instantaneous” instinct to react. The sudden urge to give into temptation started long ago!

If that makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t stop reading. It is in moment’s like these that we need God’s forgiving, rescuing, empowering, enabling grace. And this is precisely where James takes us in verses 16-18.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.

I have taught through James numerous times. On my first and second pass through this chapter, I felt like these verses must have been inserted later by some incompetent editor. Or worse, James must have been distracted as he penned this letter! But upon further reflection, I see that he knew exactly what he was doing. He ends this section by reminding us of Jesus. Jesus is the good gift from above that the Father has sent, in whom we find new birth. This new birth leads to a new power within for the present and a promised hope for ultimate victory one day!

Are you fighting a battle in your life. This passage normalizes the struggle and calls us to deep reflection and gratitude for your Redeemer. Knowing the stages can be very helpful as you understand your story and your unique areas of vulnerability. Knowing that God has lavished his grace upon you is essential, too!

Fighting Temptation

Anglican Bishop J. C. Ryle (1816-1900), once said that there are at least two marks that indicate that someone has become a Christian:

1. There is a new peace!

2. There is a new fight!

He couldn’t have spoken more accurately. There is a new peace because you have been reconciled in your relationship with God through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. You experience forgiveness of sins, reconciliation with God and a conscience that has been cleansed from guilt and shame.

There is a new fight because the Holy Spirit is now at work in you, providing enabling power to fight the remnants of remaining sin. That’s a strange combination but one that Scripture wholeheartedly proclaims.

As for point 2, what does it look like to fight temptation?

1. Know what Temptation Is:

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance…..12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

James 1 is a very helpful chapter when defining temptation. In James 1, the same Greek word for temptation is used in verses 2, 3, 12, 13 and 14. It means 2 different things based upon the context. In verses 2, 3, and 12, the word means external pressures. In verses 13 and 14, the word means an internal battle. Those are very different meanings. According to James, God sends external trials or tests for the purpose of deepening our trust in him (vv. 2, 3, 12). He never sets traps (vv. 13-14) to cause us to fall into sin and disobedience. So, a temptation is an internal war within each believer between remaining sin and the new power of the Holy Spirit.

2. Know the Context of Temptation:

9 Believers in humble circumstances (poverty) ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

James 1:9-11 speak of the rich and poor. What is the point? Both riches and poverty are equally trials! In other words, a life of adversity has its challenges as does a life of prosperity. We can be easily duped into thinking that all is well in a season of blessing and that all is not well in a season of adversity. Nothing could be further from the truth. When life is moving along without any trouble, it is tempting to think that you don’t really need God’s grace. That is a very serious place to be.

3. Know the Stages of Temptation:

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

James 1:13-15 spell out the slippery slope of temptation. It begins with a simple desire, but that desire quickly morphs into a demand. Why? Because of the condition of the heart of the person. It is due to a desire to worship anything but the true and living God. This slippery slope leads to death not life.

4. Know the Way Out of Temptation:

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

James 1:16-18 seem out of place after a long section on external trials and internal battles. But it is precisely what we need. For James, the way out of temptation is through a new power and dynamic of worship. Seeing the Father as the giver of all good gifts. Especially the One perfect gift that brings new birth. That One gift is Jesus, who comes to free us from the bondage of guilt and shame.