Home For the Holidays: Are You Prepared?

Contrary to popular sentiment, the holidays are not full of cheer for everyone. They can be a reminder of a lost loved one, a difficult season of life, a lack of resources to buy things for others or past hurts in one’s family of origin. If the latter is true, how can you think about the coming holidays in ways that are guided by the grace of Christ?

Broken Families and the Bible

Read almost any Bible story and you will realize that God is very familiar with flawed family dynamics. King David, one of the greatest heroes in the Bible, was the father of a dysfunctional family.  His son, Absalom, conspired to murder him and take over as king, and David had to fight for his life against his own son.

The Perfect Family Does not Exist

None of us grew up with perfect parents or perfect siblings and none of us were perfect children or siblings. This truth is not meant to excuse or minimize the evil and abuse that takes place in some families, but it does remind you that every family has “baggage.” God is able to redeem family relationships that are broken by sin, and give you the grace to respond to your parents and siblings in ways that are wise and loving.

Your Family of Origin Does Not Determine Who You Are

Not only are family sins redeemed by God’s grace, so is your family background.  We often assume that those who grow up in a “good” family will turn out “good,” and those who grow up in a “bad” family will turn out “bad.”  It’s true that we are shaped by our family of origin, and we can see their mark on us in good and bad ways. But your identity and future is not determined by your family of origin. Your new identity as a member of God’s family will make it possible for you to change the way you relate to your family.

Do You Have to Love Your Family?

The simple answer is yes. But if you have grown up in a very difficult family where parents and siblings have actively sought to harm you and where harmful behavior was the norm, the answer becomes more complicated but it does not change. God takes your suffering seriously and can identify with the hurt and sorrow you feel.  He is not distant, silent, or passive. He wants to redeem your troubled family relationships, and he is calling you to be a part of that redemption by loving your family.

Be encouraged, there is someone who can help you. We will discuss that in our next post.

For more on this subject, read Family Feuds: How to Respond  Copyright©2008 by Timothy S. Lane

Pursuing Strategic Change

How can a church and her leaders begin to improve the care they provide in light of the hindrances that were mentioned in the previous post? There is much that can be said, but let me highlight a few.

1. Recognize that there are two groups of people in local churches, each with a different need.

• The first group is made up of people who need a vision for inter-personal ministry that emerges from Scripture. Begin with the positive things God is doing in the church. All churches have strengths and weaknesses. My previous posts are full of passages that cast this kind of vision.
• The second group is made up of people who already grasp the vision, but are afraid to get involved because they need to be equipped. The have bought the vision of  helping others, but actually helping someone may terrify them. 

2. Begin to think of the various groups that need to be taught and equipped. Assess and strategize for each group. Change in the local church is often slow, so give yourself time. Think in terms of years, not months. Here are a few different groups that you will want to consider.

• Employed Pastoral staff
• Non-employed leadership (elders/deacons)
• Key Lay-Leaders: 
• Small Group Leaders
• Other Ministry Leaders: Sunday school teachers, worship, evangelism, mercy, missions, men’s ministry, women’s ministry, youth group leaders.
• Every Member: parents, children, teenagers, married couples, elderly, and all friendships
• Professional counselors, physicians and psychiatrists in your church and broader community

3. Utilize existing structures as much as possible. You want to avoid the impression that you are starting another program. Most churches are already busy.

• Pulpit 
• A new members’ class
• Officer training
• Leadership meetings
• Scheduled committee meetings
• Mentoring

This post is simply to help you get a sense of the big picture. For a more detailed explanation of this concept, feel free to download and read the chapter entitled “One Church’s Story” from the book How People Change. *

How People Change Chapter 16 Download: One Church's Story

Copyright © 2013 Tim Lane. All rights reserved.

*This article is adapted from How People Change, Copyright©2006 by Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp. Used by permission of New Growth Press and may not be reproduced and/or distributed without prior written permission of New Growth Press.

Hindrances to a Shepherding/Equipping Model

When developing a biblical understanding of pastoral ministry, it would be great if we were simply describing the natural reality in every church. Sadly and realistically this is not the case. Why not? Here are a handful of reasons a shepherding/equipping culture does not develop within the context of local churches.

• The tyranny of the urgent: Why do the urgent things get our attention? They are easier to recognize and you can show immediate results. They have the illusion of success and they are often-times easier to quantify.
• A theology that does not have a robust doctrine of sanctification. Without an understanding of the need for daily growth in grace, face-to-face ministry will fall by the wayside for “more important” activities like missions, worship, preaching, evangelism.
• Distorted images of the pastoral office. Glenn Wagner has this to say in his book, Escape From Church, Inc.

If God has called us to be leaders, then the priority becomes goals, objectives, and the bottom line.
If God has called us to be managers, then our priority becomes structure, systems, order, and keeping everything under control.
If God has called us to be CEOs, then our priority becomes developing a vision and issuing directives.
If God has called us to be shepherds, then our priority becomes caring for, feeding, and correcting the sheep.

This is not to say that leading, managing and casting vision are not a part of pastoral ministry. The real issue is what role is most prominent.

• Traditional seminary training: typically, most seminaries focus on languages, church history, systematic theology, biblical theology, apologetics and preaching. These are all very good and important but in most seminaries, there are no classes on classical pastoral theology. Intelligent ministry to hurting sheep rarely gets much time in the classroom. Ministers graduate and unless they are naturally relational, they are ill-equipped to disciple and counsel people facing real daily struggles.

How would you evaluate your church and the specific hindrances to a shepherding/equipping paradigm? How can these hindrances be addressed in a way that evidences humility which leads to true corporate change?

Copyright © 2013 Tim Lane. All rights reserved.

A Transformed Community

In the post “What Are You Seeking to Produce,” I stated that individual growth was a goal in shepherding/equipping. In addition to this, the second goal is a transformed community.

Corporate Maturity

You can’t think of the Christian life in purely individualistic terms. We are part of a new family and that family is to nurture one another as we all grow up into the likeness of our elder brother, Jesus. Hebrews states explicitly that this kind of growth happens in the context of redemptive, mutually edifying friendships.

Hebrews 3:12-13

12 See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Hebrews 10:24-25

24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

It is important to stress that this does not happen automatically, nor without a lot of work, and sometimes it can possibly not happen at all.

One final passage that provides a picture of life in the body of Christ is Colossians 3:12-17:

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Here are a few practical questions for reflection:

• Do I have friends like this in my life?
•  Am I that kind of friend?
• Is the church I am part of functioning like this?
• Does our pastoral staff and leadership resemble this kind of redemptive, mutually-edifying friendship?
• How can I grow in this way over the coming year?

In Ephesians 4:15-16, the apostle Paul says that when we are living in these kinds of relationships, we will all grow in maturity.

Copyright © 2013 Tim Lane. All rights reserved.

What Are You Seeking to Produce?

What is the goal of pastoral care? Is it high functioning people? Is it someone who can better “cope” with life’s hardships? If leaders are to use Scripture wisely in their shepherding and equipping, what are they trying to accomplish? The ultimate goal is two-fold. We will consider one of these today.

Individual Growth

Three passages give us a clear snapshot into what we want to see happen at an individual level.

Ephesians 3:14-19
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

2 Corinthians 11:1-3
I hope you will put up with me in a little foolishness. Yes, please put up with me! 2 I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. 3 But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

Colossians 1:28-29
He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. 29 To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me.

For each individual believer, these verses show what is important as you define what a disciple looks like. 

• Ephesians 3 emphasizes the need for the believer’s relationship with Christ to deepen
• 2 Corinthians 11 stresses greater covenant faithfulness in devotion to Christ
• Colossians 1 states what will emerge from the first two passages - personal character transformation into the likeness of Christ.

In other words, the biggest concern is character transformation as believers struggle with various sins and sufferings that are common to all. You will never be nor will you ever produce a perfect person. That can’t be your goal. If it is, you will be disappointed. 

You have the privilege of seeing God change a person before your very eyes. Nothing could be more satisfying or heartening.