You Never Know Who Might be Listening

Recently, I had the opportunity to teach on a variety of issues including anxiety, depression, psychoses, anger, suicide assessment, addictions and personality disorders. Sometimes, because I think about these issues quite a bit, I approach them in a detached way. As I plough through my material, I can forget that the people I am teaching and equipping might be strugglers as well as helpers. Imagine that--people in training may be in the process of seeing God’s redeeming work of change in their own lives.

Let me share two examples with you:

Addictions

While teaching a seminary class on addictions, I mentioned the difference between substance addictions and lifestyle addictions. When most people hear the word “addiction” they immediately think alcohol, marijuana, or pain killers; the usual suspects. Yet, some people fail to see that issues like gambling, shopping, spending time on the internet, and pornography qualify as addictions, also. If you look at how either of these types of addictions affect the brain, you will notice clear similarities. Habituation and tolerance both arise as you indulge in the behavior. The person will experience similar withdrawal symptoms, too.

During the break, I was organizing my notes and a young woman approached me. I assumed she had a technical question about the syllabus or some assignment, but that was not why she wanted to talk. She discreetly and helpfully shared about her husband’s addiction to pornography and how it had impacted their marriage. While she was realistic, she was hopeful because of what God had been doing in their relationship. I was heartened and thankful that she was willing to share that with me. It changed the rest of my teaching on addiction that afternoon.

Suicide Assessment

Another startling example happened when I was teaching on suicide and suicide assessment. Once again, I found myself working through the details of suicide statistics. 41,000 people will commit suicide in the United States this year. Most of them will be men even though women will try more often. Men are more “successful” because they use more violent means.

After teaching on helpful ways to assess whether someone is seriously committed to harming themselves, I casually opened it up for some Q & A. A few technical questions were asked, and then another young woman shared her story. She said that one year ago, she had her suicide all planned out. She had written a note, had the means to kill herself and was going to follow through as soon as she returned home from a Christian camp! She then said that God had worked powerfully over the week and she had become a Christian. She returned home a radically different person. I was humbled by her confession. There she was, sitting in the front row, taking notes for about 45 minutes, and then she shared her story.

Once again, I was awakened to the fact that real sufferers are always in my audience. The impact was almost like a reset button for me. When I am teaching, I am more than a “talking head” disseminating information. Rather, I am a servant speaking words of life to people who need grace. You really never know who is listening.

Copyright © 2015 Timothy S. Lane

Addiction and Family

My Granddaddy's Anvil

No family can escape the reality of addiction. Yet, we all act embarrassed and struggle with shame when the truth is uncovered. Even today, with so much attention paid to addictions and the attempt to normalize it, it still remains the scarlet "A" of a family's identity.

Take a moment and think of the number of people that you know who either struggle with an addiction or have family members who do. Talk to your parents or grandparents and see how far back the history goes. If you pay attention, you will find it everywhere.

My mother's dad was an alcoholic in a small southern town. This was back in the 40's and 50's when the church was the center of social life for the majority of people. Forty some odd years later, she reflected upon that time in her life and her family's life. She captures the complexities and ambiguities in this poem written in 1985. I was visiting my parents and sister a month ago and my mom read this poem to me. She said that I could share it with you. Enjoy, ponder, weep, and be sobered as you wrestle with your own "addictions." Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy.

Hammering

My mom knew the cadence
of my daddy’s hammering.
The ring of the hammer against steel
broke the hush of the summer day
and echoed over the valley
behind the Mills house, 
down Church Street, 
and up to the high porch
of the old Minkovitz duplex
where we lived on one side, 
the Slappeys on the other.

“That’s Arrie hammering,” 
she would say.  
Anne Ria and I, sitting cross-legged
on the porch playing with paper dolls, 
would stop and listen.

Later when I’d hear the sound, 
I’d say, 
“That’s my daddy hammering.”
That was before I became ashamed
he was my father.

Even now I recall that time, 
hear the shrill peal of metal on metal, 
see my dad striking the red hot tool on the anvil, 
shaping, molding it expertly
as he was somehow unable to do with his own life, 
sending a clear bell-like message across the town
while his voice was silent.

What hurt, what loss, what fears
was he trying to assuage with the pounding?

I didn’t always wonder.

JoAnn Lane
11/04/85

Copyright © 2015 Timothy S. Lane

If you or someone you know struggles with an addiction, here are a few helpful resources.

Addiction and Grace, Gerald G. May, M. D

Toughest People to Love, Dr. Chuck DeGroat

What Does it Take to Survive and Thrive in Ministry?

5 Essential Ingredients: What Are They?

The old joke goes something like this, "For six days a pastor is hard to find and the seventh, hard to understand." While that may be funny on the surface, it belies a deep misunderstanding of what pastors do from day to day and week to week. It also reveals a significant lack of understanding of the life, pressures and expectations of someone in ministry.

Recently, I  re-read a helpful book on pastoral ministry entitled, Resilient Ministry: What Pastors Told us About Surviving and Thriving. (Bob Burns, Tasha D. Chapman, and Donald C. Guthrie, IVP Books, 2013)

Here is how the book came to be:

This book, based on seven years of research, seeks to answer these questions. Our research focused on gathering pastors and their spouses into peer cohorts, which met repeatedly in multi day retreats called Pastors Summits where we facilitated heartfelt discussions about the challenges of vocational ministry. This book presents the summary and analysis of those discussions in light of our literature research and experiences.

Based upon the discussions, the book identifies 5 areas that are critical for surviving and thriving in Christian ministry. Those five areas are:

• Spiritual Formation: personal growth in grace and maturity.
• Self Care: the pursuit of physical, mental and emotional health.
• Emotional and Cultural Intelligence: Emotional intelligence of oneself as well as others.
• Marriage and Family: spiritual and relational health with their spouse, children and extended family.
• Leadership and Management: sharing congregational leadership, building congregational community, effective administration, conflict utilization and responsible self-management.'

No Sour Grapes, Just Reality

As I pondered these 5 areas, I reflected back on my time in seminary and my days in pastoral ministry. Unfortunately, I can't remember when any of these five areas were emphasized in my preparation for ministry, nor my ongoing equipping while in ministry! While much of what I studied in seminary was essential to my work, so much was never addressed. In addition, there was little or no vision for ongoing development and growth once I found myself in a pastoral role. This was virtually missing at the local, as well as the regional and national level in my denomination.

As I reflected back on my circle of friends who have spent many years in ministry, they confirm that these critical areas are where most of their challenges and heartache lie. It is almost always the areas that caused many to leave.

A Way Forward?

If these findings are accurate, what does this say about our seminary training and ongoing support that is provided for those serving in pastoral ministry? I think the conclusions are obvious. But will we take them seriously? We can't afford not to.

For information about an organization that addresses these very issues, follow this link to the Institute for Pastoral Care.

Copyright © 2015 Timothy S. Lane

Fighting to Believe

Are Evangelism and Discipleship Different?

Jesus’ words in Matthew 28:19 are clear. We are to “go and make disciples.”  We typically think of this command in two phases and use two terms; evangelism and discipleship. Evangelism involves sharing the good news of Jesus to the unbeliever. Discipleship involves obedience once one has believed. When we are not careful, though, this bifurcation can lead to a truncated understanding of the Christian life.

Most professing Christians are aware of the discipline called apologetics.  The word means to “speak in defense” of some belief. In the early church, those who defended the faith to outsiders were called apologists.

As you can see, this term has largely been used by Christians to describe evangelism; the discipline of defending the Christian faith over against non-Christian unbelief. This is wholly appropriate and right. It is the first half of the great commission in Matthew 28:19 “Go.”

Who Are We Trying to Persuade?

I want to broaden the audience of the Christian apologist, though. Not only is the Christian apologist to convince the unbeliever concerning the claims of Christ; but the believer, as well! That is discipleship. It is what I call “pastoral apologetics.” There is a desperate and daily need to make a case for the truth, relevance and power of the Gospel for the believer as he or she faces the daily challenges of living the Christian life.

Notice how the apostle Paul warned the Colossians from being duped into thinking that there was something more they needed in addition to Christ to face the problems of living. Paul says this to believing Christians in Colossians 2:6-8;

6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. 8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[a] of this world rather than on Christ.

In other words, while Paul found himself on many occasions defending the faith against the unbelief of those who rejected the message of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection; he found as many opportunities to make a case for the claims of Christ for the benefit and sake of those who already believed. He does not want the believer to be taken captive by any other “false gospel.”

Are You Fighting to Believe?

Every time we gather with other Christians in fellowship and worship, pick up our Bibles to read or take a moment to pray, we are asking this question, “Is this really true?” Why? Because we are so easily duped. We need convincing on a daily basis.

Today, what are you struggling with? What temptation are you facing? Where are you tempted to find meaning and the resources to live another day? If you are honest with yourself, you are always fighting to believe what you profess. May your heart’s cry today be the same as another believer in Scripture who made his doubts and struggles known to God with these words,

I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief (Mark 9:24).

Copyright © 2015 Timothy S. Lane

Doubts, Guilt and the Lord's Supper

A few weeks ago, a very close friend and I were traveling together. As we discussed a host of subjects, I ventured into more personal territory. I had noticed that he had stopped taking communion at church for the past several months. He is a convinced believer in Jesus, but for some reason didn’t feel right about partaking. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: So, can I ask you a personal question? (He said “yes”.) I don’t want to be insensitive but I noticed that you have not been taking communion whenever it is offered in church. I actually respect the fact that you are taking it so seriously and not participating in a flippant way. I am curious to hear why.
Friend: Thanks, I don’t mind you asking. I really don’t know why I haven’t been participating. Something just doesn’t feel right. I just don’t know……
Me: That’s fine. I wanted to make sure you understood what the Lord’s Supper is all about. I wouldn’t want you to miss out on something that is vital to your growth as a Christian. Do you still believe in Jesus and that he is your savior?
Friend: I do, but I am struggling to really believe that God loves me. After all, my life has been a real mix of trials lately……(to be continued).
____________________________
I have a lot of pastor friends who struggle to know how to “fence” the table well when serving communion. I have many more friends who struggle to know whether they should even partake from Sunday to Sunday. Many of these friends struggle with deep guilt whenever communion is served. Maybe that is your experience. It certainly was mine many times before I properly understood the purpose of Communion.

Why is it that the wonderful sacrament of the Lord’s Supper is so hard for many believers to enjoy? After all, the Greek word that is used to describe communion is Eucharist, which means “to give thanks.” Even the word “communion” is a good word. It implies that you are communing with God; relating to him; enjoying his company; reveling in his love and mercy for you.

I think the confusion and angst that many Christians experience may stem from the Apostle Paul’s exhortation in I Corinthians 11:23-32 where he strongly confronts the Corinthians for celebrating the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner:

23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26 For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.
27 So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. 28 Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. 29 For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. 30 That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. 31 But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment. 32 Nevertheless, when we are judged in this way by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be finally condemned with the world.

Verses 27-29 are startling. After reading these words, you might wonder if anyone is “worthy” to participate in the Lord’s Supper. But what is Paul really addressing? There are many things we could say about the specific context that Paul is confronting in Corinth. But one thing is clear. He does not want to erect a fence so high that needy sinners feel unworthy to participate.

Maybe I can share how I came to understand how to “fence” the table when I was pastoring a church full of both struggling sinners and sufferers. Here were a few things I would say:

Question: What does it mean to partake of the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner?

Answer 1: If you think you are worthy due to your performance, you come in an unworthy manner. The table reminds us that it is only in Christ that we are able to approach and commune with God.

Answer 2: If there is a known sin in your life that you are stubbornly unrepentant of or in denial about, you come in an unworthy manner. The table is for humble, repentant sinners.

Answer 3: Instead, if you believe in Jesus and are struggling with doubts, are feeling distant from God, experiencing weakness and fatigue in your faith, or you failed to obey God recently, you should come to the table to eat and drink!

Based upon this perspective, I shared the following with my friend:

The Lord’s Supper is using the image of your need for physical food and applying it to your need for spiritual food. If you were starving, weak, and unable to stand and someone put some food in front of you, what would you do? You would eat and drink to regain your strength. It is the fat and satiated who do not eat; not the hungry. The Lord’s Supper is a time to give thanks that God feeds the helpless and draws near to those who know they are hungry.

I don’t know if this registered with my friend or not. He thanked me for asking and then the conversation changed to a song that was on the radio. Yet the moment was not lost on me. It was a simple conversation with a brother in Christ where I was able to remind him of the utter grace of the Gospel. God’s love is wholly undeserved and yet freely given only to those who know they are not worthy.

The next time communion is served, ask yourself if you are hungry and thirsty for God's love and grace. If so, eat and drink to the glory of God!

Copyright © 2014 Timothy S. Lane