Personality Assessments: Are They Helpful?

As we continue to think about the change process, one step that is often overlooked is someone’s personality. It is important to understand your own as well as other’s because there are certain things that do not change. In fact, growth in grace will take shape along the contours of your distinct personality. This is where personality assessments can be helpful. Consider the following example:

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Step 3, Part 1: Understanding Personality

Joseph and Stuart

Joseph and Stuart were business partners. Stuart was great at sales and Joseph handled all the systems to keep up with the data: the clients, income, expenses, and profit. The two of them worked well together for the first five years and business was booming.

But something started to change. Whereas they used to always have each other’s back, over time the relationship began to crumble. Little resentments and frustrations became more and more pronounced. Joseph would get frustrated with Stuart because he didn’t appreciate all the hard work Joseph was doing in the office. Stuart began to get frustrated with Joseph because he never seemed very excited when Stuart landed a new client. Stuart was loud and funny, and the life of the party, while Joseph was more reserved and would often go unnoticed. Resentment grew. Several years later, Joseph tried to push Stuart out of the business and they eventually wound up in a lawsuit.

Do you see what was happening? Joseph and Stuart have different strengths that add value to the business and make it successful. But the problem comes when each person over-values their own strengths and under-values the other person’s strengths. Then they start to see the other person’s strengths as weaknesses. This leads to uncharitable attitudes, which lead to broken relationships.

What personality assessments seek to do is to make an individual aware of their own strengths and weaknesses and also the strengths and weaknesses of others so that they can work better together. Understanding leads to harmony, while misunderstanding leads to hurtful and potentially destructive conflict.

Most personality assessments are essentially measuring similar things. For example:

  • Are you an introvert or extrovert?

  • Do you prefer accomplishing tasks with people or being with people to accomplish a task?

  • How do you relate to others in groups and one on one?

  • How quickly do you make decision?

  • Are you a very structured person?

  • How are you motivated?

  • What is your style of conflict?

  • What kinds of things are you interested in?

  • How do you relax and recharge?

These assessments can be used wisely by Christians to understand themselves and others better. After all, our personality and emotional makeup are part of the unique and wonderful way that we have been created by God. As such, much of our personality and emotional makeup is present from birth, but they can also be shaped as we grow up.

The Bible celebrates personality by painting pictures of very unique individuals. Consider the apostle Peter. Whenever Jesus asks a question, Peter is often the one who speaks up. He’s the first disciple to blurt out that Jesus is the Christ (Matthew 16 v 13-20). He’s the only disciple who initially refuses to let Jesus wash his feet (John 13 v 6-9). In the Garden of Gethsemane, he’s adamant that he will lay down his life for Jesus—but it turns out he’s all talk (v 31-38). Through all his faults and failings, we get the distinct impression from the Gospel accounts that Peter is an expressive, outgoing guy!

Understanding personality could have helped Joseph and Stuart

Joseph and Stuart are very different. Joseph is an introvert and needs time to focus so that he can get his work done. Stuart, on the other hand, is an extrovert and is drawn to people. These differences made their business successful. Stuart left the office and spent time with people selling the product, while Joseph stayed in the office and kept up with the details. Joseph and Stuart are stronger and weaker at different things, but there is nothing inherently sinful in the way that they get things done.

However, at some point Joseph and Stuart started being critical of each other’s weaknesses, and feeling like their strengths weren’t being appreciated by the other. Their differences led to misunderstanding, which led to uncharitable perceptions and attitudes, and in turn led to sinful pride, criticism and defensiveness. Had Joseph and Stuart known how their differences were a good thing, they could have avoided the conflict.

Now, if Joseph and Stuart were going to continue to work together, they would need to admit and confess their sinful attitudes and actions towards each other and forgive one another. But they would also need to understand their different personalities, strengths and ways of getting things done in order to move forward.

The truth is that sometimes we are too quick to go on a sin hunt in another person’s life when what we are dealing with are simple but important differences. We’ve all been uniquely wired by God. Understanding our own and other people's personalities will help us to remain humble and grateful for one another. It can also remind us that growth in grace will take shape along the contours of your distinct personality.

For more on personality and emotional intelligence, purchase the 5 session video workshop as an online course by following this link: ONLINE COURSES

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Tim Lane

Dr. Timothy S. Lane is the President of the Institute for Pastoral Care and has a counseling practice in Fayetteville, GA. He is a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), having been ordained in 1991 and a member of Metro-Atlanta Presbytery. Tim has authored Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace, and co-authored How People Change and Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. He has written several mini-books including PTSD, Forgiving Others, Sex Before Marriage, Family Feuds, Conflict, and Freedom From Guilt.

He has experience in both campus ministry (University of Georgia, 1984-1987) and pastoral ministry where he served as a pastor in Clemson, SC from 1991 until 2001. Beginning in 2001 until 2013, he served as a counselor and faculty at a counseling organization  in Philadelphia, PA. Beginning in 2007, he served as its Executive Director until 2013.

In 2014, Tim and his family re-located to his home state, Georgia, where he formed the non profit ministry the Institute for Pastoral Care. His primary desire and commitment is to help pastors and leaders create or improve their ability to care for the people who attend their churches. For more information about this aspect of Tim's work, please visit the section of this site for the Institute for Pastoral Care. He continues to write, speak and travel both nationally and internationally. Tim is adjunct professor of practical theology at several seminaries where he teaches about pastoral care in the local church.

That Wonderful/Horrible Word

“Change”…...Go ahead, say that word out loud. What is the first thought and emotion that you experience when you see and say the word “change”?

  • Gratitude?

  • Fear?

  • Excitement?

  • Guilt?

  • Sadness?

  • Inadequacy?

  • Happiness?

  • Anger?

In most of my counseling experience, the “change” word conjures up feelings of guilt. The person has failed and they need to change. For others, it conjures up feelings of shame. They are flawed. There is something wrong with “me”.

Unfortunately, that very common experience of guilt and shame is hard to shake. It can be rather debilitating for some.

In my book, Unstuck: A Nine Step Journey to Change that Lasts, Step 1 (Get Grounded: In Christ) is critical to avoid steering into either the guilt or shame ditch. If you don’t feel safe admitting you need to change, you won’t come out of hiding and face areas in your life that need work. Instead, you will deny the problem, blame others, or minimize it.

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Step 2: Scavenger Hunt

What is also true, though, is when someone takes a look at their lives with a view towards change, it has likely been provoked by some failure. I need/ought to be more patient with my children because I have been irritable lately. I need/ought to be more careful about my screen time because I gave in to the temptation to buy something I didn’t need or I veered off into that pornographic website. Change can focus all of your attention on your failures.

That is why you have to go on a scavenger hunt in your life for evidence of God’s gracious work. It’s there, but you have become nearsighted to only see the bad. Let me give you an example of an experience I had counseling a couple.

What They Saw

  • We are constantly fighting about nothing

  • We are not being a good example to our children

  • We are not working as a team

  • We are repeating our parents’ mistakes

  • We are moving further apart and we fear separation and divorce

  • There is no way God loves us in light of all of these things

What I Saw

  • They were seeking help by coming to me

  • They were genuine Christians who cared about letting their professed faith make a difference in their lives

  • They both sincerely cared for each other

  • When they told me how they met, it was with deep joy

  • They were involved in their church and connected with a small group where they met regularly

  • They had been married for almost 20 years

  • Their children were professing Christians who loved their parents

  • I was able to remind them of God’s consistent love for those who belong to Him through Jesus

Those two lists could not be more different. I had the opportunity to help them see where God was presently at work in their marriage because they could not. I went on a scavenger hunt for evidence of God’s work in their lives. That shift in gaze made all the difference in the world.

The apostle Paul captures this same positive sentiment in Philippians 1:6 when he says, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Seeing his ongoing work in your life and in others is critical to the change process.

Has this step been missing in your life? How can you be more mindful of his work in your life this week? Perhaps you can find opportunities to encourage someone by helping them see evidences of God’s Spirit in their lives.

Comment

Tim Lane

Dr. Timothy S. Lane is the President of the Institute for Pastoral Care and has a counseling practice in Fayetteville, GA. He is a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), having been ordained in 1991 and a member of Metro-Atlanta Presbytery. Tim has authored Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace, and co-authored How People Change and Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. He has written several mini-books including PTSD, Forgiving Others, Sex Before Marriage, Family Feuds, Conflict, and Freedom From Guilt.

He has experience in both campus ministry (University of Georgia, 1984-1987) and pastoral ministry where he served as a pastor in Clemson, SC from 1991 until 2001. Beginning in 2001 until 2013, he served as a counselor and faculty at a counseling organization  in Philadelphia, PA. Beginning in 2007, he served as its Executive Director until 2013.

In 2014, Tim and his family re-located to his home state, Georgia, where he formed the non profit ministry the Institute for Pastoral Care. His primary desire and commitment is to help pastors and leaders create or improve their ability to care for the people who attend their churches. For more information about this aspect of Tim's work, please visit the section of this site for the Institute for Pastoral Care. He continues to write, speak and travel both nationally and internationally. Tim is adjunct professor of practical theology at several seminaries where he teaches about pastoral care in the local church.

The Accidental Counselor

Pastor Tim: The Accidental Counselor

Imagine that it is Sunday morning and you have just finished preaching a sermon. You have spent countless hours preparing all week to teach for 30-40 minutes. As you stand at the back of the church and greet people, someone approaches you and thanks you for your teaching. You thank them for saying so and you move on to the next person. The only problem is that the person who just thanked you isn’t moving. They say something like this:

What you taught today was very helpful for me. But I still have so many questions. Can we get together sometime this week so we can talk further?

At that point, you begin to panic on the inside. You are a bit baffled that the sermon did not answer all of the person’s questions but you agree to meet with them. As the meeting draws near, you begin to get a little nervous. You wonder what questions will be asked and you struggle to know what you will say if you don’t have good answers to their questions.

And then the appointed time to meet arrives. In walks your congregant and out come the questions.

Pastor Tim, I really enjoyed your sermon on worry this past Sunday! Thank you for your preparation and careful exegesis. Your sermon caused me to think more carefully about my lifelong struggle with anxiety. Over the past several months, my struggle has intensified and I don’t know what to do. I have recently started having panic attacks and find myself getting very agitated when I am around large groups of people. I have even started avoiding events where I know there will be a large crowd. I wonder if you can help me?

With the questions now on the table, you begin to emphasize your three points from your sermon hoping that a reminder will do the trick. It doesn’t! Your friendly congregant has actually taken notes and can almost preach your sermon for you! They start probing for more detail. I know your points from your sermon but can you help me more with my struggle with anxiety? The issue could be a number of other struggles: depression, anger, addiction, marriage, parenting, being single or single again.

Deer In Headlights

With that one question, you feel like a deer in headlights. You don’t know what to do. You maintain a calm exterior while inside you are struggling with your own anxiety. Once again, you recite the passage you preached hoping that will make things better. Once again, your congregant cuts you off in mid sentence to let you know that they remember the passage but it still seems too difficult to apply to the specifics of their struggle with worry.

Why I Wrote Unstuck: A Nine Step Journey to Change that Lasts

The illustration above was repeated many times in my own life as a pastor. I would preach a sermon that was relatively helpful for someone and they would approach me asking for more guidance. Like you, I would get nervous because I did not know what else to do. This is precisely why I wrote Unstuck: A Nine Step Journey to Change that Lasts. I wanted to provide a pathway for the pastor or a friend to walk down with the person who is struggling.

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Hope and Direction

In the book, there are 9 steps that are essential for change to take place in your life. The 9 steps take you on a journey towards greater Self-Awareness, Gospel-Awareness and Other-Awareness. Each chapter ends with a practical application. Here you can see the diagram that illustrates the path to change.

Step One—Get Grounded: In Christ

Whenever you are struggling with a temptation or some experience of suffering, the tendency is to make the struggle your fundamental identity. For example; My name is Dave and I am a divorced person. Or, My name is Olivia and I am a depressed or anxious person. If that is your starting point, it will lead to a distorted identity and impact your ability to move forward due to the guilt and shame associated with those issues. Instead, Dave and Olivia are both children of the living God, in Christ, forgiven, loved, empowered by the Spirit, a new creation in Christ…..who struggle with anxiety or have been through the challenging experience of divorce.

Grounding your identity in Christ is the first step on the journey to change. It has been true in my own life and in the lives of those I counsel. As you reflect on this first step along the pathway to change, take a moment to give thanks that your mis-steps, sins, weaknesses, and sufferings do not define who you are, the risen Christ does!

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Tim Lane

Dr. Timothy S. Lane is the President of the Institute for Pastoral Care and has a counseling practice in Fayetteville, GA. He is a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), having been ordained in 1991 and a member of Metro-Atlanta Presbytery. Tim has authored Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace, and co-authored How People Change and Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. He has written several mini-books including PTSD, Forgiving Others, Sex Before Marriage, Family Feuds, Conflict, and Freedom From Guilt.

He has experience in both campus ministry (University of Georgia, 1984-1987) and pastoral ministry where he served as a pastor in Clemson, SC from 1991 until 2001. Beginning in 2001 until 2013, he served as a counselor and faculty at a counseling organization  in Philadelphia, PA. Beginning in 2007, he served as its Executive Director until 2013.

In 2014, Tim and his family re-located to his home state, Georgia, where he formed the non profit ministry the Institute for Pastoral Care. His primary desire and commitment is to help pastors and leaders create or improve their ability to care for the people who attend their churches. For more information about this aspect of Tim's work, please visit the section of this site for the Institute for Pastoral Care. He continues to write, speak and travel both nationally and internationally. Tim is adjunct professor of practical theology at several seminaries where he teaches about pastoral care in the local church.

Christian Mindfulness?

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If you are alive and reading these days, you have probably heard the term “mindfulness.”

You might know people who are practicing mindfulness to help them navigate the pressures of daily life. Maybe it’s used in your school or workplaces as a tool to reduce stress and boost creativity. In recent years mindfulness has been promoted by public health bodies as a way to promote mental wellbeing, and as a treatment for depression and anxiety. The guided meditation app Headspace—one of dozens you can find in your app store—has been downloaded over 31 million times.

So what should Christians make of the mindfulness trend? Should we jump on the bandwagon? Should we be suspicious and hold it at arm's length? Or is there another way?

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us (https://www.mindful.org/what-is-mindfulness/).

The theory is that when we are mindful in the present, we can avoid the pitfalls of letting the past or the future hijack us from living in the moment. While definitions can vary, the word “meditation” is often used synonymously with “mindfulness”.

Here’s a sample step by step mindfulness practice:

  1. Take a moment to be still and relax.

  2. Pay attention to the sensations in your body. If you are anxious, angry, sad, etc, where can you locate that in your body? What is your body saying?

  3. Stay present in the moment and focus on what you are thinking and feeling. Do this without judgement, even if it is a “negative” emotion like sadness or anxiety.

  4. Label the emotions you are feeling with as much precision as possible.

  5. Ask yourself why you feel this way, and what triggered it.

  6. Let the emotions pass.

  7. Re-enter your world with calm and a commitment to be grateful and caring.

In recent years, scientific research has confirmed what most religious traditions have been saying for a long time: practicing meditation is good for the body and soul. That is why you will find most religious traditions include meditation as a vital element to living out the tenants of one’s beliefs. This is true of the Christian tradition as well.

Today, most mindfulness practices are secular. They don’t emphasize any faith component, which is partly why it has become so popular—mindfulness is for everyone. You don’t have to necessarily believe anything in particular.

What is Christian mindfulness?

I believe that there is a way to practice “Christian mindfulness”—something that connects with the secular trend, but adds a very important dimension. In my new book, Unstuck: A Nine Step Journey to Change that Lasts, I walk through nine steps that share some similarities to the steps above with one main difference: the presence of a personal God, who communes with us and redeems us as we are mindful of his presence with us in the moment.

It is impossible to overstate the difference this makes. Secular mindfulness is personal and horizontal: you pay attention to yourself, so as to be more present for others. Christian mindfulness introduces a vertical dimension: you are paying attention to who God is and your relationship with him through his grace to you in Jesus. This is what is utterly unique about Christian mindfulness.

In one sense, all Christians should be “mindful” Christians. Paul encourages the believers in Philippi to be consciously mindful of the present benefits of being united to Christ.

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion…" (Philippians 2 v 1).

His next statement is a call to live in light of that present reality and awareness.

"… then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (v 2-4)

Christians have a personal, loving, accepting, forgiving, gracious and present Savior, who aides us day by day through the work of the Holy Spirit within us. As we go about our daily lives, with all of the stresses and busyness, we are constantly invited to be mindful of God’s presence with us, his care for us and new power in us that he has provided to face each moment of each day.

One way we are to be “mindful” Christians is through prayer: we are to live our lives as we “pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5 v 17). The word “without ceasing” does not mean “non-stop” but “constantly recurring”—in other words, we are encouraged to punctuate our daily lives with intervals of prayer. You might describe this as living with a moment by moment mindfulness of God’s presence with us.

As you go about your day today, you can practice Christian mindfulness. It isn’t that complicated, and you don’t need an app. Find ways and times to slow down and allow yourself to be mindful of your connection to Christ. As you do, allow his love to calm you and encourage you.

You don’t have to call it “mindfulness”, but all Christians are called to be mindful—mindful of our unity with Christ, and the presence of his Spirit. And it’s with that awareness that we can live with gratitude and move towards others with compassion.

Copyright © 2019 Timothy S. Lane

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Tim Lane

Dr. Timothy S. Lane is the President of the Institute for Pastoral Care and has a counseling practice in Fayetteville, GA. He is a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), having been ordained in 1991 and a member of Metro-Atlanta Presbytery. Tim has authored Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace, and co-authored How People Change and Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. He has written several mini-books including PTSD, Forgiving Others, Sex Before Marriage, Family Feuds, Conflict, and Freedom From Guilt.

He has experience in both campus ministry (University of Georgia, 1984-1987) and pastoral ministry where he served as a pastor in Clemson, SC from 1991 until 2001. Beginning in 2001 until 2013, he served as a counselor and faculty at a counseling organization  in Philadelphia, PA. Beginning in 2007, he served as its Executive Director until 2013.

In 2014, Tim and his family re-located to his home state, Georgia, where he formed the non profit ministry the Institute for Pastoral Care. His primary desire and commitment is to help pastors and leaders create or improve their ability to care for the people who attend their churches. For more information about this aspect of Tim's work, please visit the section of this site for the Institute for Pastoral Care. He continues to write, speak and travel both nationally and internationally. Tim is adjunct professor of practical theology at several seminaries where he teaches about pastoral care in the local church.

Year End Reflection and Celebration of God’s Faithfulness!

This time every year,

I have the opportunity to reflect back on the last 12 months of ministry opportunities. It gives me a reason to pause, give thanks to God, and share the progress with you. Here are a few highlights from the past year and some opportunities that are on the horizon in 2019:

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New Book! Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change that Lasts

By far, the most significant work I have done over the past year is complete a new book on growth in grace. My primary goal in writing Unstuck was to encourage people that change is possible. What people need is help connecting their daily struggles to their relationship with God. The result is a 150-page, accessible book that takes the reader on a path towards getting unstuck in any area of their lives. It is currently available for pre-order on Amazon and will begin shipping January 1, 2019.

Travel and Teaching Opportunities

Hove, uk. Teaching leaders about Addictions and anger. November 2018.

Hove, uk. Teaching leaders about Addictions and anger. November 2018.

These speaking events are always so encouraging as I watch people find help in the moment. They also help me develop material that finds its way into my writing. Here are just a few from 2018 and some upcoming trips in 2019:

  • Virginia Beach: Marriage Seminar

  • Montreal, Canada: Pastors’ Retreat

  • Vancouver, British Columbia: Marriage Seminar

  • Pennsylvania: Emotional Intelligence and the Gospel

  • Southern England: November 4-12, 2018

  • Gainesville, Florida: January 11-12, 2019 – Cultivating Your Marriage

  • Northern and Midlands England: January 20-28, 2019—Unstuck: A Nine Step Journey to Change that Lasts

  • Toronto, CA. Redemption Community Church: February 9-8-9, 2019—Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change that Lasts

  • Montreal, Canada: February 15-16, 2019 – Cultivating Your Marriage

  • Suffolk, VA: February 22-24, 2019 – Redeeming Sex

  • Jacksonville, FL: September 13-14, 2019. Cultivating Your Marriage

In November 2018, I was in southern England teaching to several churches. I focused on the content in my latest book as well as addictions, conflict and marriage. In January 2019, I will return to the North and Midlands regions of England to teach on the same material. Each of these areas will provide an opportunity to teach pastors and lay-people representing hundreds of churches in the UK.

Tunbridge Wells, UK

Tunbridge Wells, UK

Counseling and Consultations

Since last year, the number of counseling and consulting hours has increased quite a bit. I continue to work with leaders in several regions (Australia, UK, Canada, US). As the counseling hours have increased, they have been helpful for me as I speak and write. The actual practice of counseling has provided opportunities to grow personally both in grace and skill. I am thankful for how God uses those who come to me for help to humble me and increase my desire to grow.

Montreal, Canada

Montreal, Canada

Thank You for Your Prayer and Support

I am grateful to have people who are praying for the work of the Institute, as well as those who invest in what we do. Would you consider donating to the Institute for Pastoral Care? You can do that by going to timlane.org/donate. You can make a one-time tax-deductible donation or set up a recurring donation.

It is a great privilege to do the work we are doing at the Institute for Pastoral Care! Your prayers and support are of great encouragement to us.

With gratitude,
Dr. Tim S. Lane

Comment

Tim Lane

Dr. Timothy S. Lane is the President of the Institute for Pastoral Care and has a counseling practice in Fayetteville, GA. He is a minister in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), having been ordained in 1991 and a member of Metro-Atlanta Presbytery. Tim has authored Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace, and co-authored How People Change and Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. He has written several mini-books including PTSD, Forgiving Others, Sex Before Marriage, Family Feuds, Conflict, and Freedom From Guilt.

He has experience in both campus ministry (University of Georgia, 1984-1987) and pastoral ministry where he served as a pastor in Clemson, SC from 1991 until 2001. Beginning in 2001 until 2013, he served as a counselor and faculty at a counseling organization  in Philadelphia, PA. Beginning in 2007, he served as its Executive Director until 2013.

In 2014, Tim and his family re-located to his home state, Georgia, where he formed the non profit ministry the Institute for Pastoral Care. His primary desire and commitment is to help pastors and leaders create or improve their ability to care for the people who attend their churches. For more information about this aspect of Tim's work, please visit the section of this site for the Institute for Pastoral Care. He continues to write, speak and travel both nationally and internationally. Tim is adjunct professor of practical theology at several seminaries where he teaches about pastoral care in the local church.